Posts Tagged ‘Twitter’

American People: ‘No Thanks’ to More Kavanaugh Docs

(2018-09-04) — Despite Democratic senators’ insistence to the contrary, the American people said today, “We don’t want to read any more documents related to the confirmation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court.”

Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-VT, among others on the Senate Judiciary Committee, repeatedly claimed during the first day of confirmation hearings that, not just Leahy’s caucus, but “the American people” were dissatisfied with the more than 500,000 pages of documents the committee has received so far, including more than 10,000 pages of Kavanaugh’s judicial opinions.

But when reached by phone, the American people declined to review additional documents.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” the people said, “We enjoyed the first 500,000 pages, but we’re good.”

Between their careers, getting kids to various events, and keeping up with Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, the American people said they “don’t have as much time as one might hope to scrutinize the complete anthology of writings and documents related to of one of the most prolific legal scholars, and accomplished public servants, of our day.”

“Let’s face it,” said the American people. “We’re not really big ‘document readers’ anyway, and this is a busy month. But thanks for thinking of us.”

 

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McCain Funeral Moves Trump to Change Tone

(2018-09-02) — The bipartisan outpouring of love at Saturday’s funeral for the late Sen. John McCain, etched as it was with opposition to what President Donald Trump has done to divide America, deride the media, and diminish the Republican party, had “a profound impact” on Trump, according to White House sources.

“The president watched the C-SPAN live coverage from Golf Cart One,” said an unnamed staffer. “As he listened to Meghan McCain, George W. Bush, Joe Lieberman and Barack Obama, he seemed to suddenly realize the devastating impact of his personality, his policies, and most of all, of his Tweets. It was a time of deep existential reflection.”

We can expect to see a much more reserved, respectful and humble president from now on, the source said: “Trump has been virtually reborn as a man who seeks first to listen and to understand — to give others the benefit of the doubt, and to refrain from giving offense, even when angry.”

The tributes to McCain from both sides of the political aisle apparently triggered “deep wrestling in Trump’s soul,” the source said. “He came realize that he stands on the shoulders of giants like McCain, Bush and Obama. He now feels duty-bound to perpetuate their magnanimous legacy, knowing that history will judge.”

Bystanders on the 13th green corroborated this assessment of the president’s demeanor, noting they heard Trump murmur to himself as he lined up a putt, “For what is a man? What has he got? If not himself, then he has naught to say the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who kneels.”

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4-in-5 Democrats Would Elect McCain President Now

(2018-08-27) —  A new Ipsos-Factos poll of registered Democrats, taken in the wake of Sen. John McCain’s death, indicates that some 80 percent of them would vote for the decorated war hero, legendary senator and bipartisan statesman, in a head-to-head contest with anyone from any party.

“There’s never been a Republican, a politician, or even a man, like him,” said one unnamed Democratic survey respondent. “He’s exactly the one we need at a time of division like this. He’s, frankly, the only leader who can bring us together as a nation, stop all wars, and speak the truth at all times.”

As news of the poll leaked out, the Democratic National Committee sent out a Tweet cautioning party members that “voting for the deceased does not offer the same benefits as voting by the deceased.”

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Cohen, Manafort Felony Guilt Spurs Trump Departure

Trump cleans out desk after associates found guilty of felonies: ScrappleFace, by Scott Ott

In the wake of the devastating guilt of Paul Manafort and Michael Cohen, President Trump cleans out his desk in the Oval Office.

(2018-08-22) — After two close associates became felons Tuesday, President Trump seemed to read the writing on the wall, began to clean out his desk in the Oval Office, and announced his departure via Twitter this morning.

A jury yesterday convicted former Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort of eight counts of fraud, and the president’s longtime personal attorney, Michael Cohen, entered a plea agreement confessing himself guilty of eight felony counts of tax evasion and campaign finance violations. Cohen told prosecutors he paid hush money to women at Trump’s direction to help get him elected.

Unnamed White House sources said, the avalanche of social media celebrations, the cable news triumphalism, and a “personal sense of shame,” finally brought down the man some called ‘The Teflon Don.’

Early this morning, Trump tweeted a selfie glaring over his empty desktop, then tweeted the words: “That’s it. I’m licked. I can’t take the media abuse, nor the burden of my own conscience anymore. I’m done. Democrats won. God save President Pence! #DingDong #TheWitchIsDead”

Trump tweets Oval Office departure: ScrappleFace, by Scott Ott

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Alex Jones Threat Spurs Facebook ‘Don’t Click’ Button

(2018-08-07) — To combat the threat of internet hate-speech from Alex Jones and others, Facebook, Apple, and YouTube, among other social media platforms, today announced a new “Don’t Click” button. The feature will offer “another option” to users who feel compelled to watch or listen to hate speech and other material that “violates community standards.”

The new option comes after many social media platforms this week announced the removal of Alex Jones’ InfoWars pages, videos and podcasts as a way to “pro-actively protect Americans from unpopular ideas.” Jones’ reckless violation of “community standards” spurred action by the democratically-elected Social Media Standards Councils in thousands of communities worldwide, which then rose as one to order the Joint Community Standards Enforcement Brigade to remove and ban Jones’ content.

The communities then realized the scope of the threat, since Alex Jones does not hold a monopoly on unpopular ideas.

The global consortium of standards councils formed a joint committee to investigate alternatives that would “protect users from seeing or hearing things with which they disagree, things that are wrong, or things that inspire bad feelings.”

“Then it hit us,” said a member of the committee. “All of the complaints came from people who didn’t like Alex Jones, disagreed with his opinions, and didn’t want to watch him. If people could simply click a ‘Don’t Click’ button, they’d have a way out. They wouldn’t have to watch things they don’t want to watch.”

Discuss in Scrappler Chat forum

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Trump Asks Dems to Push Ban on 3-D Movie Guns

(2018-08-01) — After suggesting in a Tweet that downloadable blueprints for 3-D printing of guns should be regulated or banned, President Donald Trump today reached across the aisle again calling for a total ban on guns in 3-D movies.

“Democrats should join me and ban all guns in 3-D movies,” the president said on Twitter, adding, “Crazy Hollywood actors with deadly guns in more than two dimensions – VERY dangerous.”

The White House said the president believes in reasonable movie-gun regulation, including a prohibition on guns that have the realistic appearance of length, width and depth — such as those seen through special glasses in many movie American theaters.

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Pelosi Echoes Trump Threat to Iran Regime

(2018-07-23) — Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-CA, joined hands with President Donald Trump this morning to warn Iran’s “repressive, corrupt regime” against provoking “the greatest force for liberty the world has ever seen.”

Pelosi’s bipartisan statesmanship comes after Trump Tweeted in all caps his own warning to Iranian President Hassan Rouhani against threatening the U.S., and Secretary of State Mike Pompeo likened the regime to the Mafia.

Pelosi’s state of California is home to some 250,000 Iranian-Americans, many of whom have fled the Islamic regime since it seized power in 1979.

“There’s not a millimeter of daylight between Democrats and President Trump when it comes to standing up for the long-suffering people of Iran,” Pelosi said. “If our reimposed sanctions don’t bring down the Islamic kleptocracy, the righteous resolve of Iran’s mighty people shall.”

Pelosi said her message to Iran’s anti-regime protestors in the streets is: “This time, America has your back.”

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Trump Urges Twitter to Push Civility, Thought

(2018-07-22) — President Donald Trump today called on Twitter to do more to promote thought, civility and nuanced discussions of culture, politics and public policy.

In a 5,000-word New York Times op-ed, the president proposed a variety of changes to the current short-form social media platform, that would…

  • increase the per-Tweet character limit to 270,340 to “promote deep thought, and careful exposition of ideas,”
  • allow a user to retract a Tweet when he realizes an error,
  • permit Tweeted corrections to reach all who saw the inaccurate original, and
  • introduce a 24-hour ‘cooling off period’ between composing and actually sending the Tweet.

“So often, when I Tweet, I long to fully flesh-out my ideas in a way that promotes civil dialogue, and avoids rash reactions or misunderstanding,” Trump wrote. “But the Twitter platform precludes the kind of introspection, depth of inquiry, and exposition, that foster reasoned discourse in a republic.”

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Obama Tweets, Snapchats Netanyahu Congrats

Obama Tweets Congrats to Netanyahu

Moments after exit polling showed Benjamin ‘Bibi’ Netanyahu’s Likud party victorious in Israel’s election yesterday, President Obama sent this tweet.

(2015-03-18) — Few people were more excited about Benjamin Netanyahu’s success in yesterday’s election than U.S. President Barack Obama.

Obama, who views Netanyahu “like the father I nearly-never had,” closely followed the Israeli election results. When exit polls indicated a favorable outcome, he Tweeted to his 56.6 million Twitter followers: “OMG…Bibi and Likud make it 3. #NetanyahuDat?”

The president then ordered a senior staffer to take a selfie of Obama (he calls it a ‘staffie’), which he sent via Snapchat to the Israeli leader, with the comment: “Bibi FTW. So…that happened.”

“Israel has no stronger ally than the United States of America, and Prime Minister Netanyahu has no more devoted fan than this president of these United States,” Obama said in an official statement.

Obama Snapchats congrats to Netanyahu

Here’s the official presidential Snapchat to Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu celebrating his reelection.

“I’m sure that our close relationship, strong alliance and shared principles will only serve to cement the bond I share with my BiBiFF in the coming years,” he added.

A White House spokesman denied Republican accusations that Obama operatives had worked behind the scenes to topple the Prime Minister, and he played down suggestions that Obama was miffed that Netanyahu spoke to a joint session of Congress recently without consulting with him first.

“The President only regrets that he couldn’t get front row tickets to the Prime Minister’s Congressional speech,” said spokesman Josh Earnest. “He’s too respectful of the separation of powers to pick up the phone and call Speaker John Boehner. After all, the Speaker of the House is not Beyoncé or Kanye. One doesn’t just text him to beg for tickets.”

 

 

Obama Alive & Well, White House Says, Chavez Dead

Obama is "alive and well," White House says. "It's Hugo Chavez you've heard about in today's news."The White House, in an effort tamp down viral rumors, took the unusual step of releasing a statement that President Barack Obama is “alive and well.”

The terse statement comes in response to internet rumors that a charismatic, eloquent, leader who swept to power promising to take money from the petroleum industry to fund entitlement programs, had died. The White House clarified that it was, in fact, Venezuela’s socialist President Hugo Chavez who passed away after a long battle with cancer.

“Some people just skim the news, or hear a snippet as they walk by the TV,” said White House spokesman Jay Carney. “Anyone out there can make a mistake — it gets on Twitter, and all the sudden I’ve got 270,000 condolences in my inbox.”

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