Posts Tagged ‘Tim Cook’

New Apple Device Ditches ‘Sensory Interface’

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(2018-06-10) — Apple’s next groundbreaking device will dispense with the outdated concept of a ‘user interface’ that connects with human senses to convey information, according to an unnamed source familiar with the Cupertino firm’s design process.

Designers have gradually removed visible and tactile features from Apple’s popular iPhones and smartwatches, but the ultimate goal — what experts call ‘interfacelessness’ — has proved elusive…until now.

“People want devices that integrate elegantly and seamlessly with their daily lives,” Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, reportedly told associates in a recent email. “Until now we’ve done nothing but disturb them with visual, auditory, and kinesthetic feedback that interrupts their solitude and requires mental effort to interpret. The era of the palpable, tangible device that requires sensory interplay is coming to an end. Apple will lead the way to the new, senseless future.”

Apple Announces ‘Gayest CEO Ever’, Store Lines Form

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Apple CEO Tim Cook

Apple CEO Tim Cook today announced the company’s “gayest CEO ever.”

(2014-10-30) — Lines formed around the block at Apple Stores nationwide today after the Cupertino, California, tech firm announced its “gayest CEO ever.”

“It’s the most personal announcement Apple has ever made, even more personal than the Apple Watch,” said CEO Tim Cook, who refused to take media questions because he “needs some time off to re-energize.”

Apple design chief Jony Ive said, “This is huge. We’re now the only major device maker with a CEO that’s both unbelievably thin, and unbelievably gay — and yet so intimate and personal.”

Rumors have percolated for months but the news set off a frenzy on technology blogs and Apple fan forums.

“I can’t wait!” said one eager Apple customer, from his sleeping bag on the sidewalk outside of the Apple Store on Fifth Avenue in New York. “I’m not sure what this is all about, but it’s Apple — so you know it’s going to be unbelievable.”

Store personnel initially tried to persuade the crowd that “there’s nothing to see here,” but eventually gave up and began taking reservations.

A spokesman for rival Samsung said the Korean tech firm’s CEO is “actually gayer than Apple’s, and has been for years.”