Posts Tagged ‘Republican’

Rand Paul to Officially Declare Liberty to Lie About Him

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Rand Paul to declare to for president.

Sen. Rand Paul, shown here counting down the days before Republicans, and the general public, can fully enjoy their God-given liberty to make up stuff about him in an effort not just to scuttle his presidential campaign, but to destroy his life’s work and reputation as well.

(2015-04-06) — Sources say Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) on Tuesday will announce that Americans are officially free to lie about his record and his personal life as he seeks the presidency in 2016.

“Rand Paul will run as a defender of liberty,” said an unnamed supporter, “That means it’s time for Republicans, and all Americans, to exercise their natural, God-given, right to say stuff that just ain’t so, to post links on social media to news sites that are really just facades for opposition research, to spout unfounded rumors, to make reckless assumptions, to distribute out-of-context quotations and to mount anonymous vitriolic personal attacks on Rand Paul and his family.”

Paul associates said the freshman senator believes that the Founders of this country and the Framers of the Constitution gave their lives so that any citizen could be “flayed and eviscerated in the public square with false information and intentionally-deceptive innuendo in order to discourage decent, principled folks from pursuing public service.”

Sen. Paul would be the second Republican to officially declare his presidential candidacy, just two weeks after Sen. Ted Cruz announced that Cruz is “wrong for America.”

Double-Dipper Rep. Schock Quits, Offers One Last Bill

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Rep. Aaron Schock, shamed into resigning

Rep. Aaron Schock today announced sponsorship of a bill to make Illinois prisons more comfortable for the former politicians who comprise a near majority of their inmates. In unrelated news, he resigned after revelations of corruption in his handling of taxpayer and campaign donor funds. 

(2015-03-17) — Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock announced his resignation today after revelations that he double-billed the taxpayers and his campaign donors for mileage on his Chevy Tahoe. But before leaving at the end of the month, Rep. Schock says he’ll introduce one last piece of legislation, expanding federal funding for minimum-security penitentiaries in Illinois.

Schock rejected allegations that self-interest motivated the bill, which would provide “more commodious accommodations for Illinois’ non-violent offenders, allowing them to live in the style to which they have become accustomed while devoted to public service.”

“This isn’t about me,” said the Republican lawmaker, who recently paid back $40,000 to the Treasury that he had used to decorate his Washington office in the style of the TV show Downton Abbey.

“There’s clearly a need for improvements to our state’s prisons,” Schock said. “Illinois has a long and storied tradition of politicians who leave public office to live in close quarters among the common the people. So, clearly, the demand is there.”

The Congressman cited former Illinois Governors Rod Blogojevich, George Ryan and Dan Walker,  as well as former Congressmen Dan Rostenkowski and Mel Reynolds, as part of a long list of “Illinois politicians proudly repaying their debts to society in the most humble way a public servant can serve. Time precludes listing them all here today.”

The conditions in minimum-security correctional facilities in Illinois, he said, are “lamentable and très gauche.”

“You can’t pack them in like sardines,” Schock said. “Their punishment shouldn’t be confinement in uncomfortable surroundings. It’s bad enough that their expense accounts get so drastically reduced.”

Rep. Charlie Rangel (D-NY) said he was, “of course, glad to see a Republican leave the chamber, but for the life of me, I can’t understand why he had to quit. The rest of us are still here.”