Posts Tagged ‘Oval Office’

Obama Checks Alaska Off Bucket List, Oval Office Next

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Obama looks at Alaska glacier

Barack Obama stands on the prow of a ship, gazing at an Alaskan glacier. He reportedly asked a local Eskimo guide, “How do I get to the Oval Office from here?”

(2015-09-02) — As he heads toward the sunset of his two-term presidency, Barack Obama has just checked “visit Alaskan glacier” off of his bucket list, the tally of things he’d really like to do or see before the end.

Next, White House sources say, Obama plans to visit the Oval Office, where “he hopes to really get a feel for what it’s like to be the chief executive of a Constitutional republic,” one source said.

“Everyone has those sort of ‘far out’ dreams that they’d pursue if they had the time and resources,” an unnamed spokesman said. “President Obama has the wealth and time to just go for it.”

Friends say that, since he was a boy named Barry, Obama has dreamed of “sitting at that big desk in the Oval Office, and doing whatever it is that presidents do there.”

Now that he’s near the end of his tenure,  one friend said, “he can indulge stuff like that.”

Obama associates said that if he actually visits the Oval Office, he might change its name to the original Cherokee phrase, which is “U-we-tsi-yu-s-di di-ga-lv-wi-s-da-ne-di.”

 

Holder to Walk: Attorney General Leaving Fast, Furious

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BREAKING

Obama and Holder in Oval Office

This file photo shows a recent Oval Office meeting between outgoing Attorney General Eric Holder, and President Obama. They discussed where Obama might purchase a necktie.

(2014-09-25) — A Justice Department source says Attorney General Eric Holder hopes to leave his post fast, furious with opponents’ attacks on his tenure as the nation’s top law enforcement officer.

President Obama, reportedly, plans to just “let him walk.”

“Of course, Obama will always know where Holder is,” the unnamed source said. “Such a powerful person is easy to trace, in case the president needs to shoot him an email, or has a legal concern that’s sort of borderline.”

Friends and associates say the Attorney General hopes to “get a job in the private sector where the cops won’t hassle him just because he’s black.”

Obama Threatens Use of Unmanned Oval Office

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(2014-06-16) — Standing next to Marine One, the presidential helicopter, Barack Obama said Sunday that he would not lead ground forces into the White House to solve the escalating crisis in Iraq, as Sunni militants, inspired by al-Qaeda, capture one town after another in an attempt to establish a Muslim caliphate.

President Obama remotely controls Oval Office.

President Obama demonstrates how he can remotely control an unmanned Oval Office and Situation Room. “I don’t even have to face the White House when I do this,” the president noted.

Instead, the president threatened the use of an unmanned Oval Office and Situation Room, even as he received Tweet-briefings from Secretary of State John Kerry, who is remotely overseeing the evacuation of the U.S. embassy in Tal Afar.

Mr. Obama, on vacation with his family, hit the links for a round of golf on a course owned by tech billionaire Larry Ellison, sending a clear signal to militants and terrorists alike that he rejects the Bush-era doctrine of “wingtips on the ground” in the executive office.

“Americans are weary of a wartime commander-in-chief, with his presidential daily briefings, and his knees under his desk,” Obama said. “If I needed to know what’s happening right now in Iraq, I have people I could ask. In the meantime, I can steer the ship of state remotely, from any golf course in the world.”

A spokesman for the Islamic State in Iraq and Syria (ISIS) said they were prepared for anything but a “an American drone president,” noting that they would have to rethink their entire battle plan, since “current strategic scenarios are all predicated on real-time personal involvement by the U.S. Commander in Chief.”

 

Obama Skips Congress with State of the Union Speech

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Obama's private state of the union address

President Obama, seen in his office delivering a private State of the Union address to a handful of White House staffers, says, “I’ve had it up to here with this separation of powers and checks-and-balances malarkey. Let’s do stuff now.”

(2014-01-27) — Ignoring more than 220 years of tradition, President Obama has, reportedly, already delivered the State of the Union address privately in the Oval Office rather than to a joint session of Congress, where he won’t be appearing Tuesday as scheduled. White House sources say the president told them “we can’t wait” for members of Congress to come together.

“As he has mentioned, President Obama has a pen, so he wrote the speech,” said an unnamed administration source, “and then he stood up from his desk and delivered the stirring address to a handful of White House aides, Secret Service agents and a cleaning crew late Sunday night.”

Under the Constitution, the president is not required to give a speech, but merely to report to Congress from time to time on “the State of Union” and to recommend any measures he thinks appropriate.

“Although the president is naturally reluctant to take a literalist view of the Constitution,” the source said, “in this case, it suits his personal objectives in dealing with this do-nothing Congress. Why bother with all the ceremony and the humiliating prospect of asking them to pass laws, when he can just seize the moment and get stuff done.”

Speaker of the House John Boehner called Obama’s failure to deliver a lengthy speech before the joint session of Congress “highly unusual,” but acknowledged that Obama “just saved me about three nicotine patches.”