Posts Tagged ‘Obamacare’

Health Care Website Fails Despite Amish Beta Success

(2013-10-07) — The failure of the new ObamaCare health insurance exchange website came as “a bolt from the blue” to the IT staff in the Obama administration, especially because the system had been thoroughly beta-tested for nearly a year among the Amish community in rural Lancaster, Pennsylvania. HealthCare.gov servers buckled under traffic five times greater than the maximum anticipated volume.

“We were firing on all cylinders during the prototype stage,” said an unnamed IT staffer at HealthCare.gov. “Page-load times were measured in minutes rather than the current hours, and that was after heavy local TV promotion soliciting Amish beta customers.”

The crew that coded Amish.HealthCare.gov said the telephone hotline was “practically silent” turning the trial period, meaning that virtually no problems were reported with the system.

“We thought we were, as NASA says, ‘Go at throttle up.'” the source said. “The fact that people now report they can’t login after dozens of attempts for almost a week is a real mystery to us.”

A White House spokesman said the president is “focused like a laser” on solving the problem.

“We just posted an invitation to our Amish beta-tester forum,” said Press Secretary Jay Carney, “We’re asking for volunteers to fly from Lancaster down to D.C. later today to do a focus group so we can get to the bottom of this.”

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Putin Mediates ObamaCare Defunding Standoff

(2013-09-18) — Russian President Vladimir Putin today stepped in to deescalate tensions between the White House and Republicans in Congress over ObamaCare. At this hour, it’s shaping up to be the Russian statesman’s second diplomatic triumph, just days after he convinced Syria to hand over its chemical weapons to the U.N..

Putin intervened after an Obama administration official, in what was later described as a “gaffe”, said Obama would drop his plans to deploy ObamaCare on the American people if Republican leaders would “abandon their party’s fiscal conservatism,” and back a number of sweeping new spending initiatives, new powers for the NSA, and new “limits on unreasonable freedom of the press.”

“I called Rep. Boehner and Sen. McConnell.” said Putin, “and explained Obama’s offer. They immediately accepted.”

A spokesman for Congressional Republicans denied that GOP leaders had “caved,” and claimed they lost nothing in the deal.

White House spokesman Jay Carney said Putin was able to broker the deal because of the way President Obama “projected strength” by playing golf in the midst of crisis.

Carney noted that while ObamaCare “as we know it” is now legally dead, the offer wasn’t a gaffe, because “we always planned to implement it by executive order and regulatory rulings anyway. We’re still on Plan A.”

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Obamacare to Cover Train Wrecks, White House Says

Sen. Max Baucus warns about Obamacare Train WreckSen. Max Baucus told the HHS Secretary Wednesday he thinks Obamacare implementation is “a huge train wreck.” The White House released a statement noting that Sen. Baucus “looks just like late night TV star David Letterman.”

After Montana Democrat Sen. Max Baucus Wednesday told the Health and Human Services Secretary that Obamacare implementation looks like “a huge train wreck” the White House released a statement noting that “train wrecks would be covered under the Affordable Care Act, including preexisting train wrecks, like Medicaid.”

Sen. Baucus should not be alarmed at the chaos and confusion surrounding the startup of state-based health care exchanges and the expansion of Medicaid, slated to begin October 1, the White House said.

“Not only will train wrecks be covered,” according to the Obama administration, “but also injuries caused by clown cars and goat rodeos. So, the senator has nothing to worry about. The federal government has a long track record of consistent performance in delivering personal services in a way that most people have come to expect from government.”

Press Secretary Jay Carney added, “As the president has said, under Obamacare, you can keep your own deficit and it won’t add a dime to your doctor.”

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