Posts Tagged ‘NFL’

Nike to ‘Sacrifice Everything’ for Black Community

(2018-09-04) — On the heels of its new ad campaign with former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, Nike announced today it would “sacrifice everything” to benefit the urban Black community for which Kaepernick has become a champion.

When corporate officers saw the public response to the new ad slogan — “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.“— they decided to “Just Do It.”

Starting today, Nike will put its $36.3 billion in annual revenue, and its U.S. employees, to work on behalf of inner-city communities hit hard by income inequality, by institutional racism, and most tragically, by President Trump’s Tweets about NFL players who kneel during the National Anthem.

Nike launched several new “sacrifice everything” initiatives, including, a commitment to…

1) Manufacture all of its products in U.S. inner cities like Detroit, MI, and Compton, CA, by the 3rd quarter of 2019.

2) Slash Nike shoe and gear prices so even the poorest of the poor can afford them.

3) Redistribute headquarters personnel from their suburban homes to urban-core communities where they’ll live, work, send their kids to public schools, and serve on late-night volunteer neighborhood-watch patrols.

4) Diversify its board of directors and executives in design, marketing, and sales, to mirror the racial and ethnic population proportions in the average U.S. inner city.

5) Donate every penny of profits to drug rehabs, tuition assistance and vocational training programs for inner-city youth.

“All of these ‘sacrifice everything’ initiatives put our money where our mouth is, and our feet on the move,” said a Nike spokesman. “We don’t want anyone to think Nike’s using Colin Kaepernick to appropriate ‘the struggle’ in some crass corporate way just to boost our $15.9 billion annual profit.”

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Police Reach Deal with NFL Anthem Protestors

(2018-08-18) — In an agreement worked out late Saturday night, police unions across the United States agreed to stop hunting, shooting and gratuitously detaining and roughing-up black people, while NFL Players Union members agreed to stand respectfully during the national anthem, starting with Sunday’s games.

Police said they “buckled under the tremendous moral pressure brought to bear by pro football players kneeling or raising a fist during the anthem.”

“Until recently, most police officers, regardless of color, felt it was acceptable to shoot black people whether they posed a threat or not,” said a police spokesman. “But then the kneeling ballplayers started a national conversation, and the guys in the precincts got woke, and decided to obey the law…but only if players would respect the anthem.”

The landmark deal brings down the curtain on the most tumultous and tragic epoch in American civil rights history.

With the end so-called blue-on-black violence, protesting NFL players said they’re excited they can stand again, and proudly sing the anthem of the land they love.

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NFL Players to Kneel Over Cowboys QB Anthem Stand

(2018-08-02) — NFL players plan to protest Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott’s recent remarks about the National Anthem by kneeling every time Prescott takes the field, according to sources in the players’ union.

The Dallas quarterback stirred controversy by saying that, though he, too, opposes racial injustice in the U.S., he will not protest during the anthem, because he prefers taking real action to improve race relations in each community, and that the anthem should draw us together toward our national ideals.

His radical view enraged fellow players on opposing teams.

“If Dak wants to be an Uncle Tom, a Trump lackey,” said one defensive back from another franchise, “Let’s see how he feels when he’s trying to play quarterback, but the entire defense takes a knee the whole time. No justice. No defense.”

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Obama: If I Had a 2nd Son, He’d Look Like Ray Rice

Obama and Ray Rice

In happier times, President Obama is shown in this file photo playfully tickling Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice, who reminds Obama of the second son he never had.

(2014-09-08) — In another effort to fulfill his campaign promise to connect personally with the everyday lives of Americans, President Barack Obama identified with Baltimore Ravens running back Ray Rice, who was fired today after new video showed him punching his former fiancé in the face, knocking her out in an elevator in February.

“If I had a second son, shortly after the one who looked like Trayvon Martin,” Obama said, “he’d look like Ray Rice. And so, this story, like most stories in the news, is deeply personal to me.”

A White House spokesman clarified that “The president does not actually have a second son, mostly because he and the First Lady never had a first son. Like many Americans, they agreed to a ‘conscious uncoupling’ after they noticed how much waste and greenhouse gas their two daughters generated.”

The president said he has already dispatched Attorney General Eric Holder to Baltimore to keep the peace, and to make sure that the white team owner and white NFL Commissioner have not violated anybody’s civil rights by ending Rice’s $40 million contract and suspending him from the league.

Upon arrival in Baltimore, Holder told a crowd at a local barbershop that he remembered a time when he was detained for no other reason than REWB — Riding an Elevator While Black.

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Redskins’ New Name to Honor Indian Casino Heritage

(2014-06-19) — In the wake of yesterday’s ruling by a federal agency that the Washington Redskins do not enjoy trademark protection for their team name because it’s offensive to some Native Americans, the franchise owner is reportedly considering “bringing the name up to date in a way that reflects more recent Native American traditions.”

Obama on reservation

President Obama applauded federal action stripping exclusive rights to the name ‘Redskins’ from Washington’s NFL franchise. Obama is seen here in a file photo at a ceremony to mark the erection of thousands of power-generating wind turbines on Indian land. The tribal chief made a speech thanking the president, and giving him the honorary Indian name “Eagle Killer.”

According to unnamed NFL sources, the short list of potential new names includes “The Washington Craps Dealers,” since the Trademark and Trial Appeal Board of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office ruled that the name “Redskins” is disparaging, and not a badge of honor as team owners have claimed for years.

A White House spokesman said President Obama applauds the trademark ruling, which means that the Redskins’ owner can no longer sue for trademark infringement, “even if a thousand other businesses steal the name and use it on their products.”

“Finally,” the president said, “Native Americans get justice against a white man.”

Sources say other team names under consideration would acknowledge…

  • the relationship between the U.S. government and the Indian tribes — “The Washington Dependents,” or
  • the rich Native American tradition of overcoming addiction to distilled spirits — “The Washington 12-Steppers,” or
  • the freedom from daily toil enjoyed by many on Indian reservations — “The Washington Jobless.”