Posts Tagged ‘NBA’

Obama Mulls Plan to Ban ‘Nearly All’ Trigger Fingers

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Caught Red-Handed: This trigger finger, like countless others nationwide, is the leading cause of gunfire in the U.S. - - a prime reason behind Obama's planned ban.

(2015-02-27)– Just days after the BATF alarmed 2nd Amendment proponents with a plan to outlaw certain AR-15 ammunition, sources in the White House say President Obama is mulling regulations to ban nearly all trigger fingers.

“Guns don’t kill people, trigger fingers kill people, ” according to a leading expert. “In nearly all shootings, police finger the trigger finger as the proximate perpetrator.”

”The president knows that banning firearms is a non-starter with Republicans and many Democrats,” said an unnamed White House source, “but the finger lobby is relatively small and not nearly as influential as the gun lobby…although it does have a strong digital presence.”

Obama Proud of NBA Player Coming Out as Brony

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Obama praises Brony basketball proPresident Obama preemptively praised an unnamed NBA player as a “civil rights trailblazer” when he learned the pro athlete will soon ‘come out’ as a Brony.”

President Obama said he’s proud of an as-yet-unnamed NBA free agent slated to “come out” later this week as a Brony. The mystery basketball pro has reportedly led a secret life as a devotee of the “My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic” animated series, and until now was unwilling to admit “who I really am” to his teammates.

Upon learning of the imminent revelation, the president phoned the Brony-ballplayer to praise him in advance as a “civil rights trailblazer,” and to tell him that his openness about his true identity will “surely pave the way for other prominent public figures to come out of the shadows.”

The White House, however, denied rumors that the president himself is a closeted Brony, but cautioned that the denial doesn’t imply that anything would be wrong if he were.

The player, speaking on condition of anonymity, said the president’s personal involvement overwhelms him, and makes his pending announcement seem much more significant — or in his words, “bigger than Benghazi.”

The NBA and the players’ union immediately unveiled a program designed “to ease the transition for Brony players, and to create an atmosphere of tolerance, acceptance, and recognition of the outstanding achievements that closeted Bronies have made to the game for years.”