Posts Tagged ‘Make America Great Again’

Township Man Offers to Flip for Mueller

(2018-09-15) — In the wake of a plea deal between Robert Mueller and one-time Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, a township man said he, too, will flip for Mueller if the Special Prosecutor can take care of some unpaid parking tickets and “the small matter of some back taxes and delinquent child support.”

Official Washington and Twitter lit up like a Christmas tree upon learning that the township man, a Trump supporter, would turn state’s evidence on the leader he thought would ‘Make America Great Again.’

It’s not known whether the township man has any useful evidence against Trump, but experts say the very fact that he’s willing to make a deal is considered damning.

“This is it,” said one unnamed Washington Post reporter, who agreed to quote himself on condition of anonymity. “The president might as well roll over and expose his jugular to Mueller. When this guy starts talking, all of the things we imagine Trump must have done will finally come out. Game. Set. Match.”

As a cooperating witness, the township man said he’s willing to share what he knows about the inner workings of the Trump campaign, calling himself “a person of interest.”

“I’m definitely a person of interest — very interested in stuff like that,” he said. “I read stuff. I watch stuff. I hear stuff. I can’t say much more without jeopardizing my potential deal with Mr. Mueller.”

Rudy Giuliani, the president’s attorney, said he’s not concerned about what the man might tell the special prosecutor because the way the Trump campaign, and administration, are structured “prevents anyone from knowing anything.”

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Op-Ed Blowback: Trump Behavior Shames Economy

(2018-09-06) — The U.S. Economy today said it was embarrassed at its own impressive growth after learning — from a new Bob Woodward book and an anonymous op-ed in The New York Times — that the country is run by an impetuous idiot.

“Here I am happily growing and creating jobs,” the Economy said, “while this amoral, bozo blunders around the White House saying stupid stuff, and causing chaos for his staffers. It’s humiliating for me to succeed at this level, at a time when senior administration officials have to steal documents from the president’s desk just to maintain proper decorum.”

Reached by phone early this morning, National Security, Deregulation and Judicial Restraint sheepishly agreed with the Economy saying they feel their pleasant circumstances were purchased at the cost of turmoil for senior officials, who have to bear the unfair burden of coping with Trump’s embarrassing behavior just to make America great again.

“When we see the suffering of the anonymous resistance,” they said, “we feel guilty about thriving. After all, what do the American people want more than anything, if not a White House that runs according to historic protocol?”

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Trump to Sessions: Corrupt Congressmen Help MAGA

(2018-09-04) — The nation needs corrupt Republicans in Congress to maintain the economic growth that will Make America Great Again.

That’s the message from President Donald Trump to his rogue Attorney General Jeff Sessions, after the Justice Department indicted two GOP lawmakers just before the midterm elections on charges of misusing campaign funds, securities fraud, wire fraud, and lying to the FBI.

Trump said it’s not just the pre-election timing of the indictments of Republican Congressmen Chris Collins and Duncan Hunter that disturbs him, or the fact that the investigations started under the Obama administration.

“The loss of two men who know the family business, how to make deals, and how get things done, could cripple the operation,” he said, “and ultimately that hurts the economy.”

The president praised the “creativity” of the indicted lawmakers, noting, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette. Give me a half-dozen innovators like Chris and Duncan, and I can own the lion’s share of any market,” Trump said. “We don’t just need more Republicans in Congress. We need guys like these who play fast and loose, who grab for all the gusto they can get, and who are willing to get their hands dirty.”

The president added that, “This huge country was built built by men who shoot first and ask questions later, who get while the gettin’s good, and who leverage themselves to the hilt and say whatever it takes to get the deal done, while making sure the exit is paved with gold. I can’t understand why Jeff Sessions would want to squelch that kind of initiative.”

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Trump’s #HushMeansHush Helps NDA-Breach Victims

(2018-08-23) — In the wake of his personal attorney, Michael Cohen, pleading guilty to buying the silence of women who claimed to have had affairs with Donald Trump, the president today launched a new Twitter campaign on behalf of the victims of similar attacks.

The White House said the #HushMeansHush campaign demonstrates President Trump’s compassion toward those hardest hit when a non-disclosure agreement (NDA) gets violated, and thus becomes much more tragic than if such an agreement had never been signed.

The idea for the campaign came from the now-famous #MeToo movement for victims of sexual abuse, but shows support for a much smaller minority — wealthy people who thought they had successfully purchased the silence of people who were witnesses to, or participants in, behavior that might prove embarrassing were it to come to light.

Trump hopes that his “righteous cause” will become a rallying cry among his Conservative and religious supporters.

“To Make America Great Again,” Trump tweeted, “a woman’s word should be her bond. If you say you’ll keep quiet, and you take the money, you should shut up. Doesn’t it say something about that in two Corinthians? Am I right? #HushMeansHush”

A spokesman for Melania Trump said the First Lady’s silence in the wake of recent news shows that she embraces the spirit of her husband’s new Twitter campaign.

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