Posts Tagged ‘John Boehner’

Rep. Boehner Retires to Spend More Time with Money

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Pope Francis with House Speaker John Boehner

House Speaker John Boehner, listens to Pope Francis this week while wiping his nose due to a persistent cassock allergy. Boehner will reportedly resign to “be there for” his money.

(2015-09-25) — House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH) will reportedly resign at the end of October to spend more time with his money.

Sources close to the Republican leader said the hectic schedule of a House Speaker has made Boehner and his money feel like they’re “two ships that pass in the night,” without enough time to “linger together and nurture each other, go fishing.”

“Speaker Boehner has certainly been surrounded by other people’s money, coming and going, but it’s not the same,” an unnamed Congressional aide said. “Sometimes a man needs to say ‘Stop the world, I want to get off,’ and just hold my money, and caress it, and let the bond grow.”

For years, the source said, “money has been there for Boehner, and now he wants to be there for money.”

Boehner reportedly made the decision to resign after listening to Pope Francis speaking to a joint session of Congress about the moral hazards of capitalism. The Congressman identified with the poor and oppressed who feel locked out of the lucrative opportunities enjoyed by the wealthy few “just on the other side of that revolving door.”

“The Pope — with his gold city, global travel and obsequious servants — reminded Speaker Boehner how important it is to care for the least among us,” the source said, “and standing next to the Supreme Pontiff, he couldn’t help but feel like one of them, and believe that there must be more to this life than just spending other people’s money.”

 

Township Man “Super Excited” to Watch Obama Speech

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Obama State of the Union

During last year’s State of the Union address, President Obama, overcome with patriotism, began to sing the National Anthem. This photo captures the moment when he belted out “O, say, can you see…”, as Vice President Biden and House Speaker Boehner hummed the melody.

(2015-01-19) — A township man said he’s “super excited” to watch President Obama’s latest State of the Union speech on television Tuesday night.

“I’m actually going to DVR it while I’m watching it so I can go back and review it later,” he said, “just in case I miss something while I was clapping or cheering or whatever.”

The State of the Union enthusiast said that perhaps the best thing about watching President Obama’s speech is “knowing that all of America is united as one, sitting in their living rooms, on the edge of the sofa, hanging on every word, gazing with admiration at all of the honorable leaders of this great nation —  their hearts filled with patriotic fervor.”

The unnamed local man said he normally watches “that hoarding show,” or just plays Call of Duty, but he’s been looking forward to the president’s speech for weeks.

“My wife knows to clear the deck, and keep the kids quiet on the couch,” he said. “They know better than to interrupt, even during all the times when every member of Congress, and the Supreme Court, are all applauding because they’re so surprised and delighted by what the president said. The suspense is delicious.”