Posts Tagged ‘Iran’

Kerry Secures Iran Pledge: U.S. May Enrich Uranium

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Powerful listening skills enabled Secretary of State John Kerry to learn what Iran really wanted, and his close relationship with President Obama gave him the credibility to broker a deal allowing the U.S. to keep enriching uranium, in exchange for lifting all sanctions against Iran.

Powerful listening skills enabled Secretary of State John Kerry to learn what Iran really wanted, and his close relationship with President Obama gave him the credibility to broker a deal allowing the U.S. to keep enriching uranium, in exchange for lifting all sanctions against Iran.

(2013-11-23) — In a major diplomatic breakthrough, sources in Geneva say Secretary of State John Kerry has secured a promise from the Islamic Republic of Iran to allow the United States to enrich uranium to weapons-grade levels, in exchange for a “relatively trivial concession” — the complete lifting of international sanctions against Iran.

This latest Obama administration foreign policy triumph should help to reverse the President’s popularity-rating plunge in the wake of the failure of his signature health care law. It also bolsters his reputation for “smart diplomacy,” since no previous president has been able to get Iran to respect U.S. sovereignty regarding its own national defense.

Secretary Kerry surprised many by rushing back to Switzerland this weekend, just two weeks after the last six-nation talks aimed at defusing the Iran nuclear crisis. Although some in Congress saw the Obama administration’s efforts to placate Iran as appeasement, an unnamed source close to Kerry said the wily former Senator had a few “diplomatic tricks up his sleeve.”

“Kerry brought Iran back to the table,” the source said, “and ensured the U.S. will maintain its right to develop its nuclear arsenal, at least as long as the moderate Iranian President Hassan Rouhani remains in power. It buys Obama time to extract more concessions.”

Kerry: Iran Run By ‘Religious Nut-jobs’, Who Hope to Nuke Israel and Have Lied to President Obama

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20130306-062147.jpgReturning from his first overseas trip as U.S. Secretary of State, that included a diplomatic meeting with U.S. allies and Iran, John Kerry told reporters today he was shocked to discover that the Islamic Republic of Iran is not actually a “republic,” but is really run by “some kind of religious nut-jobs who want to nuke Israel.”

“We wanted to talk about sanctions that would end Iran’s nuclear ambitions,” said Kerry, “and the Iranian diplomats were smiling and nodding, and talking about peace. But, holy cow! Have you ever googled ‘Ahmadinejad’ and read what this madman actually believes? I’m over there trying to treat them with respect, like civilized people, while Mahmoud is muttering apocalyptic prophecies, barking at the moon, turning yellow cake uranium into plutonium, and building long-range missiles that point toward Jerusalem.”

Secretary Kerry said he “can’t wait to tell” President Barack Obama what he has learned on his initial diplomatic mission.

“The president is going to absolutely freak out,” Kerry predicted, “I’d hate to be Ahmadinejad when President Obama discovers that the Iranian regime has been flat-out lying to him this whole time.”