Posts Tagged ‘House’

Election Outcome Uncertain, Expert Says Stay Angry

Experts tell voters to remain angry through the final tally | ScrappleFace.com

A noted elections expert cautioned Americans against becoming complacent, kind, tolerant or charitable in the final hours before Tuesday’s midterms, or even afterward. The source, who is not Russian nor a cable news executive, said “maintaining rage sustains civilization.”

(2018-11-05) — Just hours before Tuesday’s final votes in the 2018 Congressional elections, a noted expert called the outcome “highly uncertain” and urged all Americans to “remain angry.”

According to the noted expert, “Your neighbor, your best friend, even your Mother, will likely betray this country and condemn it to another 1,000 years of darkness, or a catastrophic ice age, or a collision with a meteor or something like that.”

The unnamed source, who is not Russian, said the biggest challenge the country faces will be to maintain the necessary fear and loathing until the final poll in the last state closes…and beyond.

“Don’t let up,” he said. “You might think there’s nothing you can do, or that victory by your side, or by the enemy, is inevitable. That’s not true. You must use these final hours to fill your Facebook wall and Twitter feed with all the rage which has consumed you for the past nine-months. Feel it surge through your biceps and down into your fingertips. Loose the hounds of Hell onto that keyboard like the future of the republic — or of our Democracy, as you prefer — depends upon it.”

While many Americans may feel a natural urge to put electoral division behind them, and to return to the kindness, tolerance and “charity toward all” that characterizes these United States, the expert source said, “This kind of thinking will get us all killed, or at least disenfranchised.”

Quoting President John Adams, he added, “Our Constitution was made only for a seething and unforgiving People. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.”

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5 Takeaways From Tuesday’s Special Elections

(2018-08-08) — With Tuesday’s special elections mostly over — Ohio’s 12th Congressional district result may trigger a recount — experts say candidates and voters can take the following lessons into November’s mid-terms.

1. Democrats spell ‘loss’ v-i-c-t-o-r-y: Merely inferior vote numbers can be deceiving. If the margin of loss should have been bigger, Democrats are de facto winners and should begin shopping for Congressional office drapery.

2. Trump-backed winners are losers: If the margin of their victory should have been bigger, Republicans endorsed by Trump may as well pull out of the race now and go home. His days are numbered, the new Democratic majority will impeach him, and…Russia.

3. Centrist Democrats merely faked Progressivism: Endorsements from Socialists Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders didn’t help Progressive candidates to win primaries because centrist Democrats publicly espoused Progressive views. Today, the moderate primary winners go back to being JFK Democrats so old people will vote for them in November.

4. Democrats can flip 23 House Seats: Because…momentum. Democrats are filled with energy and a youthful spirit, so they’ll get out the vote to return Rep. Nancy Pelosi to the House Speaker’s chair for her second century.

5. Republicans must avoid Trump: With GDP growing at a fast pace, unemployment at historic lows, and taxes coming down, savvy Republican candidates must insulate themselves from President Trump, who shoulders the blame for the economic disruption he caused after the stability of the Obama years.

Discuss in Scrappler Chat

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GOP Balks, House Democrats Move to Impeach Obama

Nancy Pelosi

Democratic House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi shakes her fist in rage against Republicans as she announces that she’ll file articles of impeachment against President Barack Obama in September, in advance of the next Congressional campaign-finance reporting deadline.

(2014-08-04) — Because House Republicans have steadfastly refused to impeach President Barack Obama, House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) today announced that her caucus would advance articles of impeachment against the president in early September.

The move comes in the run-up to the 2014 midterm elections, as Democrat fundraising goals outstrip receipts, and some polls show the GOP could recapture the Senate.

“An attack on the president is an attack on all Americans,” Rep. Pelosi said. “Republicans, deep in their hearts, have wanted to impeach President Obama since before he was senator. We Democrats will introduce these articles of impeachment to unmask the true feelings of most Republicans, and to give Democratic lawmakers the opportunity to stand boldly at his side.”

A fundraising letter immediate went out from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee with the subject line, “GOP-Run House Tries to Impeach President Obama!”

White House spokesman Josh Earnest, called the impending impeachment “no surprise given the hostility of Republicans toward America’s first black president.”

“The fact that the Democrats had to launch this impeachment effort,” Earnest said, “is just another example of John Boehner’s do-nothing Republican majority.”

President Obama, informed of his looming impeachment, reportedly said, “Cha-ching.”

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Senate’s 1st Budget in 4 Years Stops Global Warming

Senate budget on it's way to be bronzedAn aide delivers the Senate’s first budget in four years, as climate scientists rejoice over the prospects of falling surface temperatures due to rapid cooling in the netherworld.

At daybreak Saturday, the U.S. Senate passed its first annual budget in four years, a move scientists say could actually reverse the global warming trend if predictions about subterranean freezing come to pass.

“You’ve heard the forecasts about when the Senate would pass a budget,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “Well, it happened. So as the folks in the netherworld bundle up, those of us who currently dwell topside and were concerned about the rise of the oceans can heave a sigh of relief.”

Climate scientists say that even a thin layer of ice on the surface of the river Styx in the underworld could reduce the Earth’s core temperature enough to counteract glacial melting on the surface.

While this comes as welcome news to those frightened by the prospects of global warming, an expert from the porcine research facility at the University of Idaho warned that passage of a budget in the Senate can spawn a plague of avian hogs, whose airborne antics could have unpredictable consequences for the environment.

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