Posts Tagged ‘Hillary Clinton’

Electors Pick Popular Vote Winners Clinton, Gore

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Electoral College Awards Presidency to Hillary Clinton and Al Gore

Calm prevailed on the campus of the Electoral College before the surprising vote that overturned the November result.

(2016-12-19) — In an Electoral College upset, Hillary Clinton and Al Gore were chosen over Donald Trump to serve as the 45th President of the United States.

The Chancellor of the Electoral College announced the decision shortly after 1:00 p.m. Eastern, noting that the pair of former Democratic Senators both won the popular votes for the office.

“The assembled electors felt it only fair,” said the Chancellor, “to correct an historical injustice perpetrated by the Framers of the Constitution, and to award the office to those who won the hearts and minds of We, the People.”

Although experts had predicted a perfunctory selection of Donald Trump, based on the November 8 state-by-state election results, a motivational speech by the coach of the college football team apparently swayed many electors to choose Clinton and Gore.

The electoral vote tally will now be submitted by the academic dean of the Electoral College, to the full college of cardinals for their approval on January 6, 2017.

Scalia Gone, Obama to Pick Black Lesbian Amputee Vet

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Barack_Obama_anonymous-court-nominee

President Obama is already practicing his congratulatory handshake for his Black, lesbian, double-amputee, military veteran Supreme Court nominee, played here by a White stand-in.

(2016-02-15) — Just days after the sudden death of Supreme Court Associate Justice Antonin Scalia, White House sources say President Obama will cast a wide net for a replacement nominee whose appointment Republicans won’t have the audacity to stall.

“The president already has in hand a short list of Black, lesbian, military veteran double-amputee jurists from which he’ll choose the eventual nominee,” according to an unnamed administration source.

Obama reportedly reviewed the list on Sunday, circled a favorite, then remarked, “Let’s see Mitch McConnell and the boys push that one to the back of the bus.”

Meanwhile, on the campaign trail, former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said, “I applaud President Obama, our dear leader, for striving to ensure that our highest court looks more like America — and frankly, less like me — than it would if a Republican were president.

 

 

Hillary Clinton Plans Private Presidential Library

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Hillary Rodham (Clinton) Presidential Library

Preliminary architectural drawings of the Hillary Rodham (Clinton) Presidential Library include a courtesy entrance for security personnel and close Clinton associates, as well as a parking lot adequate to accommodate everyone who has a ClintonEmail.com address.

(2015-03-10) — In the wake of revelations that former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton used a private email server for State Department business, a source close to the presumptive 2016 Democratic nominee says Mrs. Clinton has plans for a private presidential library.

“She’s a very deliberate planner,” said the unnamed source, “and given the likelihood of her election as president, naturally she’s well into establishing the repository for her presidential documents.”

Architectural drawings of the Hillary Rodham (Clinton) Presidential Library show a massive server farm in a hardened bunker, but no exterior doors for public access to the facility.

“Americans and international visitors will, of course, be welcome to tour the grounds and to gaze at the striking exterior of the Rodham Presidential Library,” the source said. “But only Mrs. Clinton and key associates will have access to the interior. Frankly, there’s nothing to see there anyway.”

Michelle Obama Denies Calling Clinton ‘Hildebeest’

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(2014-06-23) — Putting to rest allegations in the controversial new book, “Blood Feud,” the White House today said First Lady Michelle Obama and presidential adviser Valerie Jarrett do not refer to former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton by a derogatory name in private conversations.

Wildebeest and Hillary Clinton

The Office of First Lady Michelle Obama released this side-by-side comparison of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and a wildebeest to “highlight the absurdity of allegations in a new book that Mrs. Obama refers to Mrs. Clinton, privately, as ‘Hildebeest.'” An attached document noted at least seven obvious distinctions between the two.

“Secretary Clinton served our nation with honor and distinction,” First Lady Obama reportedly said. “It’s beneath the dignity of her several offices to call Secretary Clinton ‘Hildebeest’, especially here, under the very roof where she served as First Lady.”

The statement, on Office of the First Lady letterhead, went on to explain that “‘Hildebeest’ is a derogatory term because it combines Mrs. Clinton’s name with that of an African bovine, suggesting that she’s, in some way, like a wild cow. Yet, almost nothing could be further from the truth.”

“For example,” Mrs. Obama’s statement continued, “Wildebeests do not mate for life, but Secretary Clinton has been married to her husband for many years. So it would make almost no sense to call her ‘Hildebeest’.”

The statement also noted that wildebeests have coarse dry skin, and shaggy manes, but Mrs. Obama noted that Hillary Clinton’s hair is “nearly always neatly groomed.”

“For the record,” Mrs. Obama’s statement concluded, “If I had called Hillary Clinton ‘Hildebeest’ I would have apologized, but I did not call her ‘Hildebeest.’