Posts Tagged ‘FoxNews’

Hannity and Maddow Cast in Hollywood Rom-Com

Hannity and Maddow slated to star in Hollywood Rom-Com

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and FoxNew’s pundit Sean Hannity sign with Warner Bros. to star in love story ‘They Need Each Other.’

(2018-09-22) — Hollywood is abuzz at word that Warner Brothers Pictures has signed the most-watched political commentators on Fox News and MSNBC to a big-budget romantic comedy, slated for release in late 2019.

Sean Hannity and Rachel Maddow will reportedly star in a love story with the working title: ‘They Need Each Other.’

Talkradio host Glenn Beck and NPR’s Cokie Roberts have allegedly signed on to draft the screenplay, and production starts during the next Congressional recess.

“With so many actors weighing in on political issues,” said an unnamed Warner executive, “casting professional pundits to act in a Hollywood film seemed natural. Focus groups were utterly swept up in the powerful chemistry between Sean and Rachel in our screen tests.”

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Egg Board, Dairy Council Sorry About Starting Hurricane

Egg Board, Dairy Council Admit Starting Hurricane Florence

The American Egg Board and National Dairy Council said their benign mass-sales event simply spun out of control.

(2018-09-12) — The American Egg Board and the National Dairy Council today apologized in advance for the devastating impact coming to the Carolinas as a result of Hurricane Florence.

However, the agricultural marketing organizations said they had only the best intentions when they generated the looming Category 3 storm off the Atlantic coast, because eggs and milk are high in protein, calcium and other essential nutrients.

“When ads tout ‘the incredible edible egg’ or ask ‘Got Milk?’, people are amused,” said an attorney representing the egg board and dairy council. “But cleverness doesn’t sell eggs and milk. Looming disasters do. Hurricanes generate a lot of demand via free ads on the Weather Channel, CNN, FoxNews and MSNBC.”

“Some time ago,” he said, “my clients realized that manipulating the human mind is tougher than manipulating the Gulf Stream, and so they decided to generate a few a mass-sales events in the upper atmosphere. Unfortunately, Florence spun out of control and could backfire. Dead people eat no French toast.”

The lawyer said the egg and milk people had invited the Bread Board to participate in their joint marketing campaign, but they declined because “people are more afraid of gluten than of torrential flooding and 150 m.p.h. winds.”

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Ex-CIA Chiefs Decry Trump Yanking Brennan Status

(2018-08-18) — A dozen former CIA officials penned an open letter alleging President Donald Trump revoked former CIA boss John Brennan’s security clearances as a unprecedented “political tool”, and demanded restoration of Brennan’s top-secret access to help him make political attacks against Trump on TV and in newspapers.

The letter, signed by intel chiefs dating back to the Reagan administration, noted that “It’s tough to get in front of the cable news cameras if they think you don’t know anything more than the average person who watches cable news. Who’s going to book a retired know-nothing? Without cable news hits, it’s tougher to get book deals and consulting gigs, or to position oneself for work in a future administration. Next thing you know, you’ll see these very important men living in cardboard boxes under a bridge.”

While some of the signatories of the letter disagree with Brennan’s political attacks on Trump, they noted that “conscience demands that one know upon which side one’s bread is buttered. Face it: without security clearances, we’re all just asterisks in the history books.”

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