Posts Tagged ‘Europe’

NATO Rejects ‘Obsolete’ Label in Telegram to Trump

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(2018-07-11) — The head of the NATO virgorously rejected U.S. President Donald Trump’s suggestion that the 69-year-old defense alliance is “obsolete.” The fiery reaction came in a terse telegram to Trump, received at the East Portico of the White House from a mounted courier late yesterday.

“NATO NOT OBSOLETE STOP YOUR REMARKS OF THE 10TH INSTANT NOT HELPFUL STOP WE DEMAND SATISFACTION STOP YOUR OBEDIENT SERVANT J.S.,” said the telegram from NATO Secretary General Jens Stoltenberg, eldest son of Thorvald Stoltenberg, of the Oslo Stoltenbergs.

As the blistering telegram message crackled through the trans-Atlantic cable, Mr. Stoltenberg also dispatched his personal emissary aboard a Norwegian schooner. A crowd of courtiers saw him off with well-wishes, tearfully waving handkerchiefs.

Given favorable winds, the diplomat should dock at the port of Philadelphia before year’s end, then take a carriage to the White House to demand parley with the American leader.

Should Mr. Trump fail to issue an apology, the code of honor demands he face Stoltenberg in a wooded glen to settle the matter with sabres.

Higgs Boson Found, But Some Angry at God Particle

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Higgs Boson likely discovered at Europe's Large Hardon Collider

Scientists urge the public to simply accept the existence of the Higgs Boson — the God particle — but not to blame it for “all the terrible stuff that happens to you. Most of that is your fault, or caused by jerks.”

Scientists from Europe’s Large Hadron Collider Thursday announced a high degree of certainty that they have discovered the elusive Higgs Boson, the so-called God particle, but not everyone believes, and many are angry at it.

While the news was greeted with joy by many scientists around the world, others expressed rage, disappointment and bitterness toward the God particle.

“What has the God particle ever done for me?” said one physics grad student at MIT. “If it does exist, but doesn’t care enough to fix my messed up life, what good is it?”

Others were even more harsh in their reaction, accusing the Higgs Boson of actively working to scuttle their plans, to close doors of opportunity and to cheat them out of satisfying romantic relationships.