Posts Tagged ‘economy’

Op-Ed Blowback: Trump Behavior Shames Economy

(2018-09-06) — The U.S. Economy today said it was embarrassed at its own impressive growth after learning — from a new Bob Woodward book and an anonymous op-ed in The New York Times — that the country is run by an impetuous idiot.

“Here I am happily growing and creating jobs,” the Economy said, “while this amoral, bozo blunders around the White House saying stupid stuff, and causing chaos for his staffers. It’s humiliating for me to succeed at this level, at a time when senior administration officials have to steal documents from the president’s desk just to maintain proper decorum.”

Reached by phone early this morning, National Security, Deregulation and Judicial Restraint sheepishly agreed with the Economy saying they feel their pleasant circumstances were purchased at the cost of turmoil for senior officials, who have to bear the unfair burden of coping with Trump’s embarrassing behavior just to make America great again.

“When we see the suffering of the anonymous resistance,” they said, “we feel guilty about thriving. After all, what do the American people want more than anything, if not a White House that runs according to historic protocol?”

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Trump to Sessions: Corrupt Congressmen Help MAGA

(2018-09-04) — The nation needs corrupt Republicans in Congress to maintain the economic growth that will Make America Great Again.

That’s the message from President Donald Trump to his rogue Attorney General Jeff Sessions, after the Justice Department indicted two GOP lawmakers just before the midterm elections on charges of misusing campaign funds, securities fraud, wire fraud, and lying to the FBI.

Trump said it’s not just the pre-election timing of the indictments of Republican Congressmen Chris Collins and Duncan Hunter that disturbs him, or the fact that the investigations started under the Obama administration.

“The loss of two men who know the family business, how to make deals, and how get things done, could cripple the operation,” he said, “and ultimately that hurts the economy.”

The president praised the “creativity” of the indicted lawmakers, noting, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette. Give me a half-dozen innovators like Chris and Duncan, and I can own the lion’s share of any market,” Trump said. “We don’t just need more Republicans in Congress. We need guys like these who play fast and loose, who grab for all the gusto they can get, and who are willing to get their hands dirty.”

The president added that, “This huge country was built built by men who shoot first and ask questions later, who get while the gettin’s good, and who leverage themselves to the hilt and say whatever it takes to get the deal done, while making sure the exit is paved with gold. I can’t understand why Jeff Sessions would want to squelch that kind of initiative.”

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Editorial: Trump’s Anti-Press Talk Makes Us Feel Bad

NOTE: This op-ed on behalf of the editorial board of ScrappleFace is part of a nationwide effort by more than 100 newspapers this week to decry President Trump’s “anti-press rhetoric.” In observance of this watershed journalistic event, we ask that you suspend, if only for a moment, your lifelong habit of ignoring the editorial page. The comics can wait.

For the editorial board…

“The enemy of the people.”

That’s what President Donald Trump has called the news media.

In a Constitutional republic, this inflammatory rhetoric not only jeopardizes freedom of expression by rallying the mob to ignore or even to violently suppress the Fourth Estate, but as professional journalists we can testify that it makes us feel bad…real bad.

In addition to the hurt feelings we have so acutely suffered, it must be noted, Mr. President, that “we’re rubber and you’re glue. Anything you say bounces off of us and sticks to you.”

It is, in fact, you, Mr. President, who are the “enemy of the people.”

(Are too…Are too!)

Let the facts be submitted to a candid world.

After all, it’s not the media, but Donald J. Trump, who beat a woman out of a good-paying job with lifetime benefits — an elderly woman who had hoped that she would finally shatter the glass ceiling and occupy the White House. Denying Hillary Clinton what rightfully belonged to her constitutes an attack on all women.

Thus Trump, in one foul sweep, became enemy of roughly half of the people.

Among the remaining 7-in-10 Americans — the ones who get paid a dollar every time a woman earns 69-cents — many have been torn from their families and homes, and sent to labor outdoors or in factories, stores and office buildings by a president who cares so little about them that he hit the gas pedal on the economy, sparking nearly full employment. These newly-employed men, of all races and genders, have Trump to blame for the assault on their free time, not to mention the booster shot to their toxic masculinity.

“Enemy of the people” indeed!

And now we come to the bottom of the matter.

At its base, President Trump’s attacks on ‘fake news,’ or ‘the failing New York Times,’ demonstrate an infantile streak in his character. Such a person, who lashes out and throws tantrums at every perceived slight (or coordinated partisan impeachment campaign), lacks the maturity to walk in the footsteps of the smart, handsome and ineluctably cool President Barack Obama, our nominee for eternal friend of the people.

Mr. Trump, why can’t you be more like President Obama?

Why do you torment us so?

Can’t you see that by cooperating with the news media, instead of antagonizing us, together we could remake America the way it should have been again?

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Privatized Post Office Would Tank Sears Catalog Orders

(2018-08-07) — A Trump administration plan to privatize the U.S. Postal Service would “virtually sound the death knell of the Sears catalog, thus decimating consumer shopping and gutting the U.S. economy,” according to a new report from the Inspector General.

The report describes, in apocalyptic terms, a post-Postal Service America “where people communicate only electronically, pay their bills impersonally, send their packages via predatory overnight delivery services, lose touch with pen-pals, and get forced to order products through apps and websites, without the dignity of paper catalogs, stamps, envelopes, saliva, checks, neat penmanship, and lengthy periods of delicious anticipation.”

In addition, the report warns, taking daily postal operations out of the hands of the federal government would “cut loose hordes of former USPS employees whose personalities severely limit their job prospects, outside of professional journalism.”

Discuss in Scrappler Chat

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Record High Jobs, Low Unemployment, Doom Trump

(2018-08-03) — The Commerce Department reported today that more Americans than ever went to work in July, and that unemployment hit an historic low. The latest jobs report virtually dooms President Trump’s Republicans in the 2018 mid-term elections, because Trump’s son, Donald Jr., met with Russians, his former campaign chief, Paul Manafort, bought an ostrich coat, and the president won’t apologize to CNN reporter Jim Acosta for calling the news media “the enemy of the people.”

The Federal Reserve this week upgraded its assessment of the economy from “solid” to “strong”, which means time’s running out for Trump-backed GOP candidates to explain why First Lady Melania isn’t always with her husband, and why his daughter, Ivanka, sometimes disagrees with her father.

Hispanic unemployment also hit a new record low, and Black joblessness remains near its new historic bottom, signaling that Republican candidates must distance themselves from Trump because everything the president has done so far constitutes impeachable “high crimes and misdemeanors.”

The disastrous jobs report comes on the heels of the Commerce Department’s foreboding announcement last week that GDP growth hit a four-year high, at 4.1 percent.

Minutes after the latest report, worried political consultants gathered behind closed doors inside the beltway to strategize how to rescue the GOP by engaging voters, who now have less time to watch political talkshows because they’re at work.

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Despite GDP Jump, Boss Bumps Trump’s Q3 Goal

(2018-07-30) — Although he exceeded expectations in the second quarter by delivering a 4.1 percent GDP growth rate, President Donald Trump’s performance review didn’t go as well as he had hoped, and the boss set new “unreasonable goals” for the third quarter of 2018.

A colleague said Trump had hoped his work in Q2 would earn him a pay raise and a corner office, neither of which happened.

“The boss has no idea what it takes to make 4.1 happen,” said a Trump co-worker. “He’s out there busting his tail every day — early, late, weekends — and the boss strolls in for the quarterly performance review and and talks like it was all dumb luck.”

Instead of praise and a bonus, the colleague said, Trump’s boss nitpicked what he called “opportunities for improvement,” excused away the good numbers, then told him he’d better “shoot for the moon in Q3, or watch his back.”

In a final insult, the supervisor told Trump if it were up to him, he’d get a pay hike, but “the money’s just not in the budget this year, what with the economy and all.”

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Trump Demands China Send U.S. Money, Not iPhones

President Trump in this file photo expresses disgust that he's stuck with a smartphone when he could have a fistful of dollars instead.

President Trump expresses disgust that he’s stuck with a smartphone instead of a fistful of dollars.

(2018-07-06) — As the trade war escalated between the United States and China following enactment of U.S. tariffs on some Chinese-made imports, President Donald Trump today mulled a full ban on imports of iPhones and other smartphones, insisting instead that China “send us real money.”

“We have a $375 billion trade deficit with China,” Trump said. “That means that we send them genuine dollars, and all we get in return is stuff — like iPhones. From now on, when we send them dollars, we want them to send us the same number of real dollars in return. That’s the only way to truly, truly balance the trade deficit.”

As economists have long known, paper money, and its electronic equivalent, hold intrinsic value. Objects like iPhones, steel pipe, or running shoes, are mere symbols of value that facilitate the exchange of tangible dollars. The president campaigned on boosting U.S. holdings of intrinsically-valuable currency, while also increasing how long U.S. consumers must work to afford ephemeral products, which are backed by nothing more than faith in their utility.

“To get more, and better-paying, jobs in the USA,” Trump told a rally in Detroit last night, “we need to drive up the cost of what Americans buy, so that they can get second jobs, and demand higher wages. Isn’t that why you elected me? More jobs. Higher wages.”

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Obama Declares April 1 ‘Fiscal Responsibility Day’

Obama signs National Fiscal Responsibility Day declarationPresident Obama declares April 1 ‘National Fiscal Responsibility Day’, as the infants and toddlers of Wall Street bankers crawl around his desk just out of the camera’s view.

In a White House ceremony this morning, surrounded by young children of Wall Street bankers, and of staffers at the Federal Reserve, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, President Barack Obama signed an executive order designating today as ‘National Fiscal Responsibility Day.’

The president said the declaration would both “recognize the Herculean efforts of members of Congress and the Executive branch in paring down the federal budget to its core essentials, as well as issue a challenge that still more can be done to achieve the dream of my personal hero, President Calvin Coolidge.”

In fact, Obama echoed Coolidge, saying: “I am for economy, and after that I am for more economy. At this time, and under present conditions, that is my conception of serving all of the people.

Obama noted that from now on, the first day of April each year will “remind all Americans of the kind of government we ordained and established in our Constitution — one of limited, enumerated powers, that maximizes individual liberty.”

“The best way to achieve that is to perpetually devote ourselves to reducing the size and scope of the federal government,” Obama said, noting that the “little children are the ultimate beneficiaries of our frugality, since they will inherit a government that pays its way day-by-day without a load of unsustainable borrowing.”

The President encouraged all Americans to greet each other today with a cheery “Happy Fiscal Responsibility Day!” but to exchange cards and gifts “only if you can do so without incurring additional debt.”

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