Posts Tagged ‘DNC’

Pressured Democrats Drop Use of All ‘Racist’ Currency

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Democrats forbid use of racist U.S. currency

Just some of the legal tender U.S. currency which the Democratic National Committee says its members will no longer use, in hopes of “purging our despicable history.”

(2015-07-23) — The Democratic National Committee today announced that it, and its members, would stop using most United States currency, and destroy their current stockpiles, as a way of rejecting “the barbaric, racist, genocidal and capitalistic values” of the men whose faces appear on U.S. bills and coins.

The move comes in the wake of the Charleston, SC, church shooting that led to nationwide protests against, and bans of, the Confederate flag, as well as vandalization of many Confederate war memorials. This week, North Carolina Democrats, under pressure from the NAACP, dropped the presidential names from their annual Jefferson-Jackson dinner, to erase the legacy of slavery and genocide.

“The nickel, quarter, dollar bill and two-dollar bill will no longer circulate among Democrats because George Washington and Thomas Jefferson owned slaves,” said DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz. “The DNC has also decided to purge the $20 bill because of what Andrew Jackson did to Native Americans. The $10 note, likewise, is forbidden for party members, because Alexander Hamilton signed the Constitution, which perpetuated slavery.”

Wassermann Schultz called on all Democrats to pay for goods and services using only the FDR dime, or the dollar coins bearing the images of Susan B. Anthony or Sacagawea.

Fifties, fives and pennies are still under a longstanding DNC ban because Ulysses S. Grant and Abe Lincoln were both Republicans.

However, the Democrats grant specific exemptions for use of the $100 bill by rap stars and Hollywood entertainment industry figures, because “the Benjamins have become essential to those culturally-valuable lifestyles.”

For all other Democrats, the C-Note is verboten “because Ben Franklin was a shameless capitalist whose rags-to-riches story gives a false impression to children about the power of free markets, and the value of hard work,” she said.

Landrieu Victory Speech Leaks Before Saturday Run-Off

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Mary Landrieu

Louisiana Sen. Mary Landrieu, shown here at a dress rehearsal for Saturday night’s planned victory speech, simulates the spontaneous moment of triumph.

(2014-12-4) — With just days to go before Saturday’s run-off election in the race for Senator in Louisiana, a draft of Democrat Sen. Mary Landrieu’s purported victory speech has leaked.

The speech, handwritten on yellow legal paper, leaked to a reporter from a waste can in Landrieu’s Washington D.C. office, where the Senator had apparently placed it for safekeeping.

On the document, titled “Victory Speech,” Landrieu offers the customary gratitude to her family, friends and supporters, and to the Democratic National Committee and President Obama “who were instrumental in bringing about this incredible, unbelievable, virtually-impossible outcome.”

“If it weren’t for the money and ground troops that poured in from the DNC, I’d be making a humiliating concession call tonight, handing over the last Democratic Senate seat in the deep South to a Republican,” Landrieu plans to say.

“And if it weren’t for the wisdom and skill President Obama has used to turn this economy around, to unite our country around traditional American values, and to restore America’s reputation in the world — well, then by Monday I’d be scrounging for work as a lobbyist in the Louisiana State House, or begging relatives to get me a job as a roustabout on an oil rig, just to make ends meet.”

“It’s humbling how much the president and the DNC care about me, about the people of Louisiana, and specifically about female political candidates,” she’s slated to say. “They could have turned off the spigot and walked away after I won only a narrow plurality in November, cutting their losses while they licked their wounds from the Republican thrashing we got in so many other states.”

“But that’s not who we are as Democrats,” she’ll say. “We believe in our principles too much to make decisions for craven political purposes. I stand here before you tonight proud to say, ‘I’m Senator Mary Landrieu. I’m a woman, and I’m a Democrat!”

Obama’s 11th Hour Appeal: Please Don’t Vote Democrat

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Obama in Oval Office

Obama wrote his final midterm election appeal in the Oval Office, between phone calls from Democrat candidates who begged him to endorse them, and to speak at their campaign events.

(2014-10-29) — With less than a week before the pivotal midterm elections, and with polls showing Republicans may take control of the U.S. Senate thanks to President Obama’s dismal popularity numbers, Obama today made his final appeal to voters.

“Please don’t vote Democrat,” the president said in a video recorded in the Oval Office. “I’m personally asking you to remember what I promised, and what I’ve delivered, and to trust me again when I say, don’t vote Democrat on November 4th.”

The White House said the president’s “Don’t Vote Democrat” message is backed by his record, and his credibility, and was recorded at the request of Democrat Congressional candidates.

“Right now,” said White House press secretary Josh Earnest, “the best thing the president can do to assure election of a Democratic Senate majority is to vigorously oppose Democratic candidates everywhere.”

To drive home the message of the video, Obama then rehearsed his accomplishments:

“If you liked your doctor and you kept your doctor, then please don’t vote Democrat.

If you’re now paying $2,500-a-year less for your health insurance, don’t vote Democrat.

If you feel safer from terrorists and infectious disease, and if America’s enhanced stature around the world — including our restarted relations with Russia, friendship with Israel, and the peace that’s descended on Iraq since I pulled the troops out — if that all makes you feel more secure, then don’t vote Democrat.

If the closing of Gitmo brings tears of joy to your eyes, and if the new civil tone in Washington, and greater brotherhood among racial groups makes you feel part of one nation under God, don’t vote Democrat.

If you look at the NSA and the IRS and they remind you that ‘government is simply what we do together,’ then don’t vote Democrat.

If you’re making more money at work, and spending more time on vacation and leisure, please don’t vote Democrat.

And finally, if your kid found a job right out of college, and you can make your basement a game room and workshop again, please don’t vote Democrat.”