Posts Tagged ‘Democrats’

DNC to Stage 2020 Convention in ‘Affordable’ Venezuela

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(2018-08-17) — Citing an abundance of affordable hotels, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) announced today it would hold its 2020 presidential nominating convention in Caracas, Venezuela.

Explaining the historic decision to stage a convention outside of the nominal boundaries of the United States, DNC Chair Tom Perez said, “Thanks to Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro’s Progressive administration, the bolívar now trades at 6 million to the U.S. dollar, so Democrat dollars will buy a lot of anything that might still be available in Caracas.”

“Our DNC site search committee had the following priorities,” Perez said. “First, we looked for diversity without English-language hegemony, fairness and equality of outcome, sensible gun legislation, enlightened government leadership, and of course, low, low prices. Many Democrat-run U.S. cities scored 3-out-of-5 or better on our Progressive site-selection index, but Venezuela checked every box.”

Venezuelan society has become “admirably equitable” under President Maduro, he added, noting that food, water, health care and essential services have become “almost-equally inaccessible to all.”

During the convention, DNC delegates will take side trips to attractions like the Caracas Zoo where they can enjoy “a taste of the African savannah.” They’ll also dine on any familiar delicacies that make it through the luggage search at Venezuelan Customs.

 

5 Takeaways From Tuesday’s Special Elections

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(2018-08-08) — With Tuesday’s special elections mostly over — Ohio’s 12th Congressional district result may trigger a recount — experts say candidates and voters can take the following lessons into November’s mid-terms.

1. Democrats spell ‘loss’ v-i-c-t-o-r-y: Merely inferior vote numbers can be deceiving. If the margin of loss should have been bigger, Democrats are de facto winners and should begin shopping for Congressional office drapery.

2. Trump-backed winners are losers: If the margin of their victory should have been bigger, Republicans endorsed by Trump may as well pull out of the race now and go home. His days are numbered, the new Democratic majority will impeach him, and…Russia.

3. Centrist Democrats merely faked Progressivism: Endorsements from Socialists Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and Bernie Sanders didn’t help Progressive candidates to win primaries because centrist Democrats publicly espoused Progressive views. Today, the moderate primary winners go back to being JFK Democrats so old people will vote for them in November.

4. Democrats can flip 23 House Seats: Because…momentum. Democrats are filled with energy and a youthful spirit, so they’ll get out the vote to return Rep. Nancy Pelosi to the House Speaker’s chair for her second century.

5. Republicans must avoid Trump: With GDP growing at a fast pace, unemployment at historic lows, and taxes coming down, savvy Republican candidates must insulate themselves from President Trump, who shoulders the blame for the economic disruption he caused after the stability of the Obama years.

Discuss in Scrappler Chat

 

Trump Asks Dems to Push Ban on 3-D Movie Guns

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(2018-08-01) — After suggesting in a Tweet that downloadable blueprints for 3-D printing of guns should be regulated or banned, President Donald Trump today reached across the aisle again calling for a total ban on guns in 3-D movies.

“Democrats should join me and ban all guns in 3-D movies,” the president said on Twitter, adding, “Crazy Hollywood actors with deadly guns in more than two dimensions – VERY dangerous.”

The White House said the president believes in reasonable movie-gun regulation, including a prohibition on guns that have the realistic appearance of length, width and depth — such as those seen through special glasses in many movie American theaters.

 

Sanders Win Spurs Billionaires’ Offer to Leave U.S.

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Billionaires will politely leave country after Sanders' election

Billionaires said it would be relatively easy for them to leave the country, if Bernie Sanders becomes president. “After all,” said one, “we have fine fleets of luxury jets, and ostentatious motor cars.”

(2016-02-02) — In the wake of Sen. Bernie Sanders’ strong showing in the Iowa caucuses Tuesday, the trade association representing America’s billionaires announced that if Sanders wins the White House they would all “just politely leave.”

“There’s no need for a revolution,” said an unnamed spokesman for the billionaires. “We’ve all agreed that it would be better for the country, and for President Sanders’ coronary health, if we just politely leave.”

Sanders, a self-designated Socialist and registered Democrat, frequently rails against income inequality, and the high cost of a college education, and says he’ll tax Wall Street speculators and billionaires to pay for solutions to all of that and more.

“Most of us, with the exception of Donald Trump, live relatively quiet lives,” the billionaire spokesman said. “But revolutions are noisy and messy, and really not our style. No hard feelings toward President Sanders. Best of luck, old chap.”

 

Pressured Democrats Drop Use of All ‘Racist’ Currency

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Democrats forbid use of racist U.S. currency

Just some of the legal tender U.S. currency which the Democratic National Committee says its members will no longer use, in hopes of “purging our despicable history.”

(2015-07-23) — The Democratic National Committee today announced that it, and its members, would stop using most United States currency, and destroy their current stockpiles, as a way of rejecting “the barbaric, racist, genocidal and capitalistic values” of the men whose faces appear on U.S. bills and coins.

The move comes in the wake of the Charleston, SC, church shooting that led to nationwide protests against, and bans of, the Confederate flag, as well as vandalization of many Confederate war memorials. This week, North Carolina Democrats, under pressure from the NAACP, dropped the presidential names from their annual Jefferson-Jackson dinner, to erase the legacy of slavery and genocide.

“The nickel, quarter, dollar bill and two-dollar bill will no longer circulate among Democrats because George Washington and Thomas Jefferson owned slaves,” said DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz. “The DNC has also decided to purge the $20 bill because of what Andrew Jackson did to Native Americans. The $10 note, likewise, is forbidden for party members, because Alexander Hamilton signed the Constitution, which perpetuated slavery.”

Wassermann Schultz called on all Democrats to pay for goods and services using only the FDR dime, or the dollar coins bearing the images of Susan B. Anthony or Sacagawea.

Fifties, fives and pennies are still under a longstanding DNC ban because Ulysses S. Grant and Abe Lincoln were both Republicans.

However, the Democrats grant specific exemptions for use of the $100 bill by rap stars and Hollywood entertainment industry figures, because “the Benjamins have become essential to those culturally-valuable lifestyles.”

For all other Democrats, the C-Note is verboten “because Ben Franklin was a shameless capitalist whose rags-to-riches story gives a false impression to children about the power of free markets, and the value of hard work,” she said.