Posts Tagged ‘budget’

Obama Declares April 1 ‘Fiscal Responsibility Day’

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Obama signs National Fiscal Responsibility Day declarationPresident Obama declares April 1 ‘National Fiscal Responsibility Day’, as the infants and toddlers of Wall Street bankers crawl around his desk just out of the camera’s view.

In a White House ceremony this morning, surrounded by young children of Wall Street bankers, and of staffers at the Federal Reserve, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, President Barack Obama signed an executive order designating today as ‘National Fiscal Responsibility Day.’

The president said the declaration would both “recognize the Herculean efforts of members of Congress and the Executive branch in paring down the federal budget to its core essentials, as well as issue a challenge that still more can be done to achieve the dream of my personal hero, President Calvin Coolidge.”

In fact, Obama echoed Coolidge, saying: “I am for economy, and after that I am for more economy. At this time, and under present conditions, that is my conception of serving all of the people.

Obama noted that from now on, the first day of April each year will “remind all Americans of the kind of government we ordained and established in our Constitution — one of limited, enumerated powers, that maximizes individual liberty.”

“The best way to achieve that is to perpetually devote ourselves to reducing the size and scope of the federal government,” Obama said, noting that the “little children are the ultimate beneficiaries of our frugality, since they will inherit a government that pays its way day-by-day without a load of unsustainable borrowing.”

The President encouraged all Americans to greet each other today with a cheery “Happy Fiscal Responsibility Day!” but to exchange cards and gifts “only if you can do so without incurring additional debt.”

Senate’s 1st Budget in 4 Years Stops Global Warming

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Senate budget on it's way to be bronzedAn aide delivers the Senate’s first budget in four years, as climate scientists rejoice over the prospects of falling surface temperatures due to rapid cooling in the netherworld.

At daybreak Saturday, the U.S. Senate passed its first annual budget in four years, a move scientists say could actually reverse the global warming trend if predictions about subterranean freezing come to pass.

“You’ve heard the forecasts about when the Senate would pass a budget,” said Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. “Well, it happened. So as the folks in the netherworld bundle up, those of us who currently dwell topside and were concerned about the rise of the oceans can heave a sigh of relief.”

Climate scientists say that even a thin layer of ice on the surface of the river Styx in the underworld could reduce the Earth’s core temperature enough to counteract glacial melting on the surface.

While this comes as welcome news to those frightened by the prospects of global warming, an expert from the porcine research facility at the University of Idaho warned that passage of a budget in the Senate can spawn a plague of avian hogs, whose airborne antics could have unpredictable consequences for the environment.