Posts Tagged ‘Britain’

Trump Dumps on May Way to Brexit, Wrecks It

President Trump, after remarks almost certain to trigger armageddon, brutally forces the stunning Melania Trump into a helicopter, despite her show-stopping gown from J. Mendel.

President Trump, after remarks almost certain to trigger diplomatic Armageddon, brutally forces the stunning Melania Trump into a helicopter, despite her show-stopping gown from J. Mendel.

(2018-07-13) — After years of campaigning, a public referendum, and thousands hours of deliberations and negotiations over the U.K. exit from the European Union — known as Brexit — sources said U.S. President Donald Trump ruined everything yesterday.

According to deeply-concerned diplomats, Trump’s revelation to a British tabloid that Prime Minister Theresa May ignored his advice will likely scuttle Brexit, tank global financial markets, bring down the May government, dethrone Queen Elizabeth II, shutter pubs throughout the Commonwealth, and recapitulate the assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, triggering World War I and the inevitable rise to power of Adolf Hitler, thus threatening to undo the highly-successful foreign policy legacy of former President Barack Obama.

“I can’t imagine anything worse,” said one diplomat who requested anonymity to avoid responsibility. “Trump’s remarks are literally the most catastrophic thing to ever happen to Britain and to all of Europe, without exception.”

Experts also agreed that U.S. First Lady Melania Trump looked stunning in a flowing, yellow, off-the-shoulder gown from J. Mendel, but only because President Trump didn’t say anything about it.

Share Button
 

Youth Issues Cry for Help from Manchester Arena

Ariana Grande fans mill about the Manchester Arena lobby, wondering if they could have done more to help a troubled you before he committed suicide with an improvised explosive devise.

Ariana Grande fans mill about the Manchester Arena lobby, wondering if they could have done more to help a troubled youth before he committed suicide with an improvised explosive devise.

 


(2017-05-23) — A troubled young person issued a cry for help last night from the lobby of a Manchester (U.K.) arena at the end of an Ariana Grande concert, leaving 22 dead and dozens wounded — most tragically, the emotionally-distraught youth himself.

Officials from Britain’s National Health Service offered regret that — despite having one of the world’s best-known socialized health systems — the government was unable to help the youth before his untimely death.

“We don’t know yet,” said one NHS official, “whether the victim suffered from the normal trauma brought on by income inequality, the social isolation associated with gender dysphoria, or if he was subject to bullying at school. We do know that the system failed him, because conservatives in Parliament have refused to adequately fund the National Health Service.”

 

Share Button