Posts Tagged ‘Beto’

Beto’s Cash to “Buy F***ing Sh**load of Democracy”

Rep. Beto O'Rourke counts his recent campaign contributions | ScrappleFace

Rep. Beto O’Rourke, seen here in his Senate campaign counting house, said his recent $38.1 million fundraising haul will buy “an f***ing sh**load of Democracy for all of the people.”

(2018-10-13) — Texas Democrat Rep. Robert Francis ‘Beto’ O’Rourke said today that he suddenly realizes that a huge campaign war chest makes for “a more Democratic nation.”

This comes on the heels of news that his U.S. Senate campaign raised an astonishing $38.1 million in the past three months — a total of $62 million to date — in an effort to unseat Republican Sen. Ted Cruz, who leads in the latest poll by about nine percent.

“I used to look askance at money in politics,” said O’Rourke, beloved by Democrats for his use of profanity on the stump. “I now realize that having an f***ing sh**load of money means more egalitarianism, more fairness, and thus more Progressive policies for all of the people.”

O’Rourke said the reverse is also true: “The puny, paltry, $12 million raised by the Cruz campaign in the third quarter should be seen for what it is — a failure to buy enough Democracy for all of the people to have some.”

A ‘Beto for Senate’ spokesman clarified that the contributions came from individuals directly to the campaign, not from Political Action Committees, which channel individual donations to candidates.

“We’ve cut out the middle man to pass the savings on to the people,” the unnamed spokesman said. “Beto’s money is pure, direct from the source, cash. That’s the kind that makes the best democracy. It’s organic, free-range, pesticide-free, non-GMO bread. It even smells fresher and cleaner than the filthy lucre that flows like sewage to the Cruz campaign.”

The massive cash haul allows the Democratic candidate and his team almost unlimited travel in private jets until election day.

“The people want to know their future senator personally,” said O’Rourke, “They need someone to believe in. And thanks to my campaign’s unimaginable wealth, they can raise their eyes to the heavens and take comfort in knowing that I’m up there somewhere — fully-reclined, watching out for them.”

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New Cruz Ad: Beto ‘Not as Cool as Every Texan Thinks’

(2018-09-05) — Sen. Ted Cruz, threatened by an insurgent reelection opponent who’s raising big money and packing rallies in Texas, today dropped “a powerful negative ad” pointing out that Democrat Rep. Beto O’Rourke is “not as cool as every Texan thinks.”

The :60-second attack video, plays over a heavy rock music track from O’Rourke’s former punk band and shows the young Democrat, his hair rakishly tousled, jumping a curb on a skateboard, swinging a jean-clad leg over a low-slung Harley, smiling humbly as he’s swarmed by adoring young women, and dropping the F-bomb with conviction in a public speech before a cheering, standing-room-only crowd.”

The game-changing ‘Cruz for Senate 2018’ ad ends with the distinctive voice of Sen. Cruz saying: “Beto: he’s not as cool as you think. He’s not as cool as every Texan thinks.”

Although the Republican’s campaign has turned defensive, an unnamed GOP consultant said he’s not concerned about the outcome in November.

“Sen. Cruz runs a well-oiled machine,” the consultant said, “and anyone who takes even a few hours to review his voluminous policy positions, including the copious footnotes, will respect his erudition, and will — quite possibly — vote for him.”

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