Posts Tagged ‘bankruptcy’

SkyMall Bankrupt: Fliers Resigned to Analog Litter Boxes

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Electronic Cat Litter Box SkyMall | ScrappleFace

America’s cats may be hardest hit by the announcement that SkyMall — the in-flight catalog felines count on for essential survival items — has declared bankruptcy.

(2015-01-23) — With the bankruptcy of SkyMall, the in-flight catalog, airline passengers nationwide report that they’re now stuck with non-electronic cat-litter disposal systems, among other shocking inconveniences.

It’s hard to know exactly how many house cats the bankruptcy will affect, experts said. But countless millions of felines now to stand in their own waste, knowing that what they deposit will still be there when they return — rather than be electronically whisked into a hermetically-sealed drawer.

“Every time I take the red-eye to L.A.X., I tell myself I’m going to order that robotic cat-litter gizmo,” said one unnamed airline passenger. “Now that SkyMall is bankrupt, I could kick myself . It was only about three-hundred-fifty bucks, but I never did it — just like I never clean our analog litter box. It just seemed like too much trouble to pick up the phone, or that little shovel.”

Obama: Cyprus-Style Deposit Grab ‘Fairly Unlikely Here’

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Obama calms investor fearsPresident Obama encourages investors to avoid getting “all wee-weed up” over the move by Cyprus to confiscate bank deposits, which he says “probably won’t happen in the U.S. until things get pretty bad.”

President Obama calmed the jitters of nervous investors today by saying a Cyprus-style confiscation of bank deposits is “fairly unlikely here” and could only happen if U.S. debt mounted to unprecedented levels, the economy remained in the doldrums and Republicans in the House decided to block Democrat efforts to generate more tax revenue.

“So, as you can see, it’s a pretty remote chance,” the president said. “Your money is safe as can be expected in U.S. banks. The government grabbing your hard-earned savings, after a lifetime of toil, is something nobody likes to think about…so don’t. After all, I wouldn’t order such a move unless the government was just flat broke, deep in debt and really needed the money.”

The president blamed House Republicans for “the many hours the Treasury Secretary and I have spent planning for the unthinkable, which we have no immediate plans to implement.”

“Ultimately,” Obama added, “on that unlikely day when you log in to your bank account and see the balance is down 30-to-40 percent, you can be assured that the Republicans forced my hand with their stubborn, ideological objection to revenue enhancers. But for now, remain calm and go about your business as if nothing might happen.”

The White House sought to clarify the president’s remarks, noting that this “virtually-improbable scenario” would be preceded by warnings that would give depositors plenty of time to visit bank websites and read the FAQ about what happened to the missing money.