Posts Tagged ‘Apple’

Alex Jones Threat Spurs Facebook ‘Don’t Click’ Button

(2018-08-07) — To combat the threat of internet hate-speech from Alex Jones and others, Facebook, Apple, and YouTube, among other social media platforms, today announced a new “Don’t Click” button. The feature will offer “another option” to users who feel compelled to watch or listen to hate speech and other material that “violates community standards.”

The new option comes after many social media platforms this week announced the removal of Alex Jones’ InfoWars pages, videos and podcasts as a way to “pro-actively protect Americans from unpopular ideas.” Jones’ reckless violation of “community standards” spurred action by the democratically-elected Social Media Standards Councils in thousands of communities worldwide, which then rose as one to order the Joint Community Standards Enforcement Brigade to remove and ban Jones’ content.

The communities then realized the scope of the threat, since Alex Jones does not hold a monopoly on unpopular ideas.

The global consortium of standards councils formed a joint committee to investigate alternatives that would “protect users from seeing or hearing things with which they disagree, things that are wrong, or things that inspire bad feelings.”

“Then it hit us,” said a member of the committee. “All of the complaints came from people who didn’t like Alex Jones, disagreed with his opinions, and didn’t want to watch him. If people could simply click a ‘Don’t Click’ button, they’d have a way out. They wouldn’t have to watch things they don’t want to watch.”

Discuss in Scrappler Chat forum

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New Apple Device Ditches ‘Sensory Interface’

(2018-06-10) — Apple’s next groundbreaking device will dispense with the outdated concept of a ‘user interface’ that connects with human senses to convey information, according to an unnamed source familiar with the Cupertino firm’s design process.

Designers have gradually removed visible and tactile features from Apple’s popular iPhones and smartwatches, but the ultimate goal — what experts call ‘interfacelessness’ — has proved elusive…until now.

“People want devices that integrate elegantly and seamlessly with their daily lives,” Tim Cook, Apple’s CEO, reportedly told associates in a recent email. “Until now we’ve done nothing but disturb them with visual, auditory, and kinesthetic feedback that interrupts their solitude and requires mental effort to interpret. The era of the palpable, tangible device that requires sensory interplay is coming to an end. Apple will lead the way to the new, senseless future.”

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Apple Announces ‘Gayest CEO Ever’, Store Lines Form

Apple CEO Tim Cook

Apple CEO Tim Cook today announced the company’s “gayest CEO ever.”

(2014-10-30) — Lines formed around the block at Apple Stores nationwide today after the Cupertino, California, tech firm announced its “gayest CEO ever.”

“It’s the most personal announcement Apple has ever made, even more personal than the Apple Watch,” said CEO Tim Cook, who refused to take media questions because he “needs some time off to re-energize.”

Apple design chief Jony Ive said, “This is huge. We’re now the only major device maker with a CEO that’s both unbelievably thin, and unbelievably gay — and yet so intimate and personal.”

Rumors have percolated for months but the news set off a frenzy on technology blogs and Apple fan forums.

“I can’t wait!” said one eager Apple customer, from his sleeping bag on the sidewalk outside of the Apple Store on Fifth Avenue in New York. “I’m not sure what this is all about, but it’s Apple — so you know it’s going to be unbelievable.”

Store personnel initially tried to persuade the crowd that “there’s nothing to see here,” but eventually gave up and began taking reservations.

A spokesman for rival Samsung said the Korean tech firm’s CEO is “actually gayer than Apple’s, and has been for years.”

 

T-Mobile to Drop 2-Yr Contract, Require Nose Rings

Insiders at T-Mobile say the cellular phone service provider may soon eliminate the requirement to sign a two-year contract, and instead compel customers to wear a brass nose ring as an alternative sign of submission to the company.

AT&T, Verizon & Sprint are also said to be mulling ways to stop customer complaints about the restrictive, expensive longterm contracts, while still making sure a customer understands who really controls his life.

“We’ve looked at various options,” said an unnamed cell industry insider, “from making customers wear a particular headdress as a public emblem of our authority over them, to a sliding scale system that would range from an orange jumpsuit to the full iron ball-and-chain configuration. If customers don’t like the bondage of longterm contracts, we’re sensitive to that, and we’re willing to change.”

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“I was locked into a 2-year contract with AT&T,” said this unnamed cell phone user, “but with T-Mobile, they just pierced my nose and I’m finally free. They promised they’d never hook a chain to it, or tug on it or anything, so long as I pay my bill on time.”

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