Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Redskins’ New Name to Honor Indian Casino Heritage

Share Button

(2014-06-19) — In the wake of yesterday’s ruling by a federal agency that the Washington Redskins do not enjoy trademark protection for their team name because it’s offensive to some Native Americans, the franchise owner is reportedly considering “bringing the name up to date in a way that reflects more recent Native American traditions.”

Obama on reservation

President Obama applauded federal action stripping exclusive rights to the name ‘Redskins’ from Washington’s NFL franchise. Obama is seen here in a file photo at a ceremony to mark the erection of thousands of power-generating wind turbines on Indian land. The tribal chief made a speech thanking the president, and giving him the honorary Indian name “Eagle Killer.”

According to unnamed NFL sources, the short list of potential new names includes “The Washington Craps Dealers,” since the Trademark and Trial Appeal Board of the U.S. Patent and Trademark Office ruled that the name “Redskins” is disparaging, and not a badge of honor as team owners have claimed for years.

A White House spokesman said President Obama applauds the trademark ruling, which means that the Redskins’ owner can no longer sue for trademark infringement, “even if a thousand other businesses steal the name and use it on their products.”

“Finally,” the president said, “Native Americans get justice against a white man.”

Sources say other team names under consideration would acknowledge…

  • the relationship between the U.S. government and the Indian tribes — “The Washington Dependents,” or
  • the rich Native American tradition of overcoming addiction to distilled spirits — “The Washington 12-Steppers,” or
  • the freedom from daily toil enjoyed by many on Indian reservations — “The Washington Jobless.”

 

Russian Forces Take Over Space Station Modules

Share Button

International Space Station annexed by Russia

Russian forces have moved into several modules of the International Space Station at the invitation of pro-Russian forces, to protect them from laboratory rodents run amok, according to Kremlin sources.

(2014-03-11) — Reports from the International Space Station (ISS) indicate that Russia has effectively annexed several modules of the orbiting laboratory, allegedly at the invitation of a Russian-speaking scientist aboard.

President Vladimir Putin said his forces moved in “peacefully and are committed to protecting the interests of pro-Russian persons on the ISS” — which currently comprises cosmonaut Mikhail Tyurin, who felt threatened by some laboratory rodents run amok.

Mr. Tyurin’s American and Japanese counterparts are reportedly “delighted” by the move, according to Izvestia, the Russian newspaper, quoting sources in the Kremlin.

At the White House, President Obama is said to be in phone contact with NASA, President Putin and U.N. Secretary General Ban-Ki Moon, from a nearby golf resort where his family is taking a much-needed mid-week vacation. The U.S. president called on his Russian counterpart to observe international and galactic law.

“If Vladimir Putin continues to occupy large sections of the ISS,” said Mr. Obama, “he needs to know that the United States is fully behind the future actions of the United Nations, and that no options are off the table, except military force and economic sanctions.”

Mr. Obama has dispatched Secretary of State John Kerry to the ISS, where he’ll arrive this weekend aboard a Falcon 9 cargo launch, after several hours of grueling training with George Clooney and Sandra Bullock.

Secretary Kerry will carry a red magic marker.

Obama: New Jobs Report Shows Most Still Have One

Share Button

Now Hiring

Thanks to President Obama’s economic policies, signs like this are appearing more often. This firm, for example, wants to hire a stock photographer to meet the growing demand from the White House for more pictures like this one.

(2014-01-11) — More upbeat economic news this morning from the White House as the latest jobs report indicates nearly 63 percent of working-age people still consider themselves part of “the workforce,” and a majority of them actually have jobs.

Administration spokesman Jay Carney said the Labor Department report “should buoy the stock market because 74,000 new jobs represents a full 37 percent of expected job creation.” However, he acknowledged “even that impressive number can go higher if we do more to reduce expectations.”

In the official White House news release, President Obama said, “Jobs are a key part of my economic plan, and I’m happy to report that most people have one.”

Carney credited President Obama’s policies for the “economic surge,” but admitted that the president hasn’t done enough yet persuade the Labor Department to reduce the official labor force number so that the unemployment figure can come down even further.

“Reducing the size of the work force is the key to reducing the unemployment number,” Carney said. “But the president can’t be blamed for the dearth of discouraged people dropping out. I think everyone agrees the president is doing all he can to discourage them.”

Obama Clarifies Detroit Bankruptcy Prevention Pledge

Share Button

image