Archive for the ‘Entertainment’ Category

Hannity and Maddow Cast in Hollywood Rom-Com

Hannity and Maddow slated to star in Hollywood Rom-Com

MSNBC’s Rachel Maddow and FoxNew’s pundit Sean Hannity sign with Warner Bros. to star in love story ‘They Need Each Other.’

(2018-09-22) — Hollywood is abuzz at word that Warner Brothers Pictures has signed the most-watched political commentators on Fox News and MSNBC to a big-budget romantic comedy, slated for release in late 2019.

Sean Hannity and Rachel Maddow will reportedly star in a love story with the working title: ‘They Need Each Other.’

Talkradio host Glenn Beck and NPR’s Cokie Roberts have allegedly signed on to draft the screenplay, and production starts during the next Congressional recess.

“With so many actors weighing in on political issues,” said an unnamed Warner executive, “casting professional pundits to act in a Hollywood film seemed natural. Focus groups were utterly swept up in the powerful chemistry between Sean and Rachel in our screen tests.”

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Serena Fights For a Woman’s Right to Be a Jerk

(2018-09-10) — Legendary tennis star Serena Williams today said that her outburst on the court at the U.S. Open this weekend was an intentional part of her crucial campaign for “a woman’s right to be a jerk without consequences.”

Although Williams was fined $17,000 — from her $1.85 million prize money — for her verbal outburst at an umpire, and for throwing and smashing a racket, she said her behavior was “an historic act of civil disobedience in the great feminist struggle of our time.”

“We’ll never know what it means to be equal with a man until a woman can be a total jackwagon and escape punishment and criticism for it,” said the holder of 23 Grand Slam women’s singles titles.

Williams said little girls across the nation need to know that they can grow up to be just as inconsiderate, rude, violent and impetuous as any man.

“We need to shatter the @$$ ceiling,” she said. “I have a dream that some day our daughters, and our sons, can both become the kind of person nobody wants to play with.”

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Nike to ‘Sacrifice Everything’ for Black Community

(2018-09-04) — On the heels of its new ad campaign with former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, Nike announced today it would “sacrifice everything” to benefit the urban Black community for which Kaepernick has become a champion.

When corporate officers saw the public response to the new ad slogan — “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.“— they decided to “Just Do It.”

Starting today, Nike will put its $36.3 billion in annual revenue, and its U.S. employees, to work on behalf of inner-city communities hit hard by income inequality, by institutional racism, and most tragically, by President Trump’s Tweets about NFL players who kneel during the National Anthem.

Nike launched several new “sacrifice everything” initiatives, including, a commitment to…

1) Manufacture all of its products in U.S. inner cities like Detroit, MI, and Compton, CA, by the 3rd quarter of 2019.

2) Slash Nike shoe and gear prices so even the poorest of the poor can afford them.

3) Redistribute headquarters personnel from their suburban homes to urban-core communities where they’ll live, work, send their kids to public schools, and serve on late-night volunteer neighborhood-watch patrols.

4) Diversify its board of directors and executives in design, marketing, and sales, to mirror the racial and ethnic population proportions in the average U.S. inner city.

5) Donate every penny of profits to drug rehabs, tuition assistance and vocational training programs for inner-city youth.

“All of these ‘sacrifice everything’ initiatives put our money where our mouth is, and our feet on the move,” said a Nike spokesman. “We don’t want anyone to think Nike’s using Colin Kaepernick to appropriate ‘the struggle’ in some crass corporate way just to boost our $15.9 billion annual profit.”

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Township Man Eager for His Star-Studded Funeral

(2018-08-31) — “A great line-up of celebrity eulogies. Top pop stars singing their favorite songs. Gales of laughter and torrents of tears.”

That’s the way a township man said he envisions his upcoming funeral. The anticipation is nearly killing him.

This week’s massive public celebrations of the lives of Sen. John McCain and singer Aretha Franklin have inspired the township man, who requested anonymity to discourage paparazzi.

“I’ve already drawn up the short list of politicians and other famous performers,” he said, “and my ‘save the date’ invitations will go out soon. It’s going to take some time to plan such a gala blow-out, so I figured I should start while I’m still relatively young and healthy. ”

“It’s all he talks about these days,” the township man’s wife said. “I think I’m even more eager to see it than he is.”

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Sundale Man’s Girlfriend ‘Locked-In’ by Shared Hulu

(2018-08-20) — A Sundale man says he shared his Hulu password with his new girlfriend as a way to “lock her in for the long haul.”

“In the past, I’ve had girlfriends just up and leave because they claimed I was unwilling to commit,” said the man. “Lesson learned. This one knows I’m serious because she’s got my Hulu password. She’s not going to walk out on a $12 per month perk like that…commercial-free.”

He added that, “If it starts to look like she’s really the one, I might also share my Netflix password with her. But we’re not ready to take that step yet.”

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Ocasio-Cortez Returns Campaign Funds to ‘Catcallers’

(2018-08-11) — After accusing pundit Ben Shapiro of ‘catcalling’ when he offered her campaign $10,000 if she would sit down for an interview with him, New York Congressional candidate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez today announced she would return all campaign funds to any donor who expected her to do anything.

“Ben Shapiro catcalled me because he wants something,” said Ocasio-Cortez, a self-described Democratic-Socialist. “I suddenly realized that every campaign donor also wants something. They want me to sponsor legislation, to speak out, or even to win the election. They’re virtually hollering, ‘Hey, Baby, can I get some of that action?’. That’s simply unacceptable. This is my #MeToo moment, and I won’t be manipulated any more.”

Shapiro, a founder of The Daily Wire, shocked America when he posted a video to Twitter inviting Ocasio-Cortez to have a conversation about what she believes, or even a debate for charity if she prefers. The clearly-sexist effort to ‘mansplain’ his political ideology to a vulnerable woman, triggered a social media avalanche, which means that what he did was wrong and Shapiro should apologize.

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Alex Jones Threat Spurs Facebook ‘Don’t Click’ Button

(2018-08-07) — To combat the threat of internet hate-speech from Alex Jones and others, Facebook, Apple, and YouTube, among other social media platforms, today announced a new “Don’t Click” button. The feature will offer “another option” to users who feel compelled to watch or listen to hate speech and other material that “violates community standards.”

The new option comes after many social media platforms this week announced the removal of Alex Jones’ InfoWars pages, videos and podcasts as a way to “pro-actively protect Americans from unpopular ideas.” Jones’ reckless violation of “community standards” spurred action by the democratically-elected Social Media Standards Councils in thousands of communities worldwide, which then rose as one to order the Joint Community Standards Enforcement Brigade to remove and ban Jones’ content.

The communities then realized the scope of the threat, since Alex Jones does not hold a monopoly on unpopular ideas.

The global consortium of standards councils formed a joint committee to investigate alternatives that would “protect users from seeing or hearing things with which they disagree, things that are wrong, or things that inspire bad feelings.”

“Then it hit us,” said a member of the committee. “All of the complaints came from people who didn’t like Alex Jones, disagreed with his opinions, and didn’t want to watch him. If people could simply click a ‘Don’t Click’ button, they’d have a way out. They wouldn’t have to watch things they don’t want to watch.”

Discuss in Scrappler Chat forum

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NFL Players to Kneel Over Cowboys QB Anthem Stand

(2018-08-02) — NFL players plan to protest Dallas Cowboys quarterback Dak Prescott’s recent remarks about the National Anthem by kneeling every time Prescott takes the field, according to sources in the players’ union.

The Dallas quarterback stirred controversy by saying that, though he, too, opposes racial injustice in the U.S., he will not protest during the anthem, because he prefers taking real action to improve race relations in each community, and that the anthem should draw us together toward our national ideals.

His radical view enraged fellow players on opposing teams.

“If Dak wants to be an Uncle Tom, a Trump lackey,” said one defensive back from another franchise, “Let’s see how he feels when he’s trying to play quarterback, but the entire defense takes a knee the whole time. No justice. No defense.”

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Woodward Denies Writing ‘Fear’ Book to Help Trump

(2018-08-01) — Celebrated Watergate reporter Bob Woodward this morning denied that he wrote his new book, “Fear: Trump in the White House,” to aid the president’s strategy of distraction and chaos.

“I’m a serious professional journalist,” Woodward alleged, “not a Trump lackey or a useful idiot helping him to stir up trivial chaos about personal stylistic quirks, and thus distracting the public from his quiet efforts to roll back regulations, to seed the courts with Constitutionalists, to cut taxes, and to project American strength abroad.”

According to reports, the Trump White House made no effort to “handle” Woodward during his research, and didn’t restrict his access, or monitor conversations with White House staff the way past administrations have.

“The failure of the White House to spoon-feed me, or to listen in and spin during interviews, demonstrates what I call a climate of fear that pervades this administration,” Woodward said. “Staffers chattered to me like magpies, and dished dirt, because they’re petrified of the president’s loyalty demands, of his power, and of his vindictive nature. It’s not because they’re playing me and my colleagues in the media like a fiddle.”

White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said she hasn’t spoken with her boss about the book, but she’s sure Trump “thinks Bob Woodward is a total joke, and he would be glad to write a blurb for the dust jacket and promote it on Twitter.”

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‘Bad Actors’ Ban to Shut Down Facebook by 2019

(2018-08-01) — As Facebook announced it had eliminated 32 pages engaged in what it called “coordinated inauthentic behavior,” a spokesman said the firm is committed to remove all inauthentic content by “bad actors,” and thus to completely shut down the social media platform by late 2019.

“Whoever set up these now-defunct accounts went to great lengths to obscure their true identies,” the Facebook spokesman said. “During our probe, we discovered it’s not just Russian agents abusing the platform that way. Facebook is riddled with bad actors pretending to be someone they’re not, clogging the service with inauthentic content aimed at making others think more highly of them than they ought.”

The inaccurate picture of real life manufactured by the vast majority of Facebook users stokes envy, acrimony and division, the source said. For the good of humanity, the company decided to shut down all such accounts.

“In the beginning, we just wanted a place for people to connect and strengthen relationships,” he said, “but our users, not to mention our advertisers, have turned Facebook into a cesspool of phoniness, staged photos, and inaccurate descriptions of daily life that make other people feel inadequate.”

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