Archive for September 4th, 2018

Nike to ‘Sacrifice Everything’ for Black Community

(2018-09-04) — On the heels of its new ad campaign with former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick, Nike announced today it would “sacrifice everything” to benefit the urban Black community for which Kaepernick has become a champion.

When corporate officers saw the public response to the new ad slogan — “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.“— they decided to “Just Do It.”

Starting today, Nike will put its $36.3 billion in annual revenue, and its U.S. employees, to work on behalf of inner-city communities hit hard by income inequality, by institutional racism, and most tragically, by President Trump’s Tweets about NFL players who kneel during the National Anthem.

Nike launched several new “sacrifice everything” initiatives, including, a commitment to…

1) Manufacture all of its products in U.S. inner cities like Detroit, MI, and Compton, CA, by the 3rd quarter of 2019.

2) Slash Nike shoe and gear prices so even the poorest of the poor can afford them.

3) Redistribute headquarters personnel from their suburban homes to urban-core communities where they’ll live, work, send their kids to public schools, and serve on late-night volunteer neighborhood-watch patrols.

4) Diversify its board of directors and executives in design, marketing, and sales, to mirror the racial and ethnic population proportions in the average U.S. inner city.

5) Donate every penny of profits to drug rehabs, tuition assistance and vocational training programs for inner-city youth.

“All of these ‘sacrifice everything’ initiatives put our money where our mouth is, and our feet on the move,” said a Nike spokesman. “We don’t want anyone to think Nike’s using Colin Kaepernick to appropriate ‘the struggle’ in some crass corporate way just to boost our $15.9 billion annual profit.”

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American People: ‘No Thanks’ to More Kavanaugh Docs

(2018-09-04) — Despite Democratic senators’ insistence to the contrary, the American people said today, “We don’t want to read any more documents related to the confirmation of Judge Brett Kavanaugh to the U.S. Supreme Court.”

Sen. Patrick Leahy, D-VT, among others on the Senate Judiciary Committee, repeatedly claimed during the first day of confirmation hearings that, not just Leahy’s caucus, but “the American people” were dissatisfied with the more than 500,000 pages of documents the committee has received so far, including more than 10,000 pages of Kavanaugh’s judicial opinions.

But when reached by phone, the American people declined to review additional documents.

“Thanks, but no thanks,” the people said, “We enjoyed the first 500,000 pages, but we’re good.”

Between their careers, getting kids to various events, and keeping up with Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, the American people said they “don’t have as much time as one might hope to scrutinize the complete anthology of writings and documents related to of one of the most prolific legal scholars, and accomplished public servants, of our day.”

“Let’s face it,” said the American people. “We’re not really big ‘document readers’ anyway, and this is a busy month. But thanks for thinking of us.”

 

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Trump to Sessions: Corrupt Congressmen Help MAGA

(2018-09-04) — The nation needs corrupt Republicans in Congress to maintain the economic growth that will Make America Great Again.

That’s the message from President Donald Trump to his rogue Attorney General Jeff Sessions, after the Justice Department indicted two GOP lawmakers just before the midterm elections on charges of misusing campaign funds, securities fraud, wire fraud, and lying to the FBI.

Trump said it’s not just the pre-election timing of the indictments of Republican Congressmen Chris Collins and Duncan Hunter that disturbs him, or the fact that the investigations started under the Obama administration.

“The loss of two men who know the family business, how to make deals, and how get things done, could cripple the operation,” he said, “and ultimately that hurts the economy.”

The president praised the “creativity” of the indicted lawmakers, noting, “It’s easier to ask forgiveness than permission, and you gotta break some eggs to make an omelette. Give me a half-dozen innovators like Chris and Duncan, and I can own the lion’s share of any market,” Trump said. “We don’t just need more Republicans in Congress. We need guys like these who play fast and loose, who grab for all the gusto they can get, and who are willing to get their hands dirty.”

The president added that, “This huge country was built built by men who shoot first and ask questions later, who get while the gettin’s good, and who leverage themselves to the hilt and say whatever it takes to get the deal done, while making sure the exit is paved with gold. I can’t understand why Jeff Sessions would want to squelch that kind of initiative.”

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