Archive for August 17th, 2018

DNC to Stage 2020 Convention in ‘Affordable’ Venezuela

(2018-08-17) — Citing an abundance of affordable hotels, the Democratic National Committee (DNC) announced today it would hold its 2020 presidential nominating convention in Caracas, Venezuela.

Explaining the historic decision to stage a convention outside of the nominal boundaries of the United States, DNC Chair Tom Perez said, “Thanks to Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro’s Progressive administration, the bolívar now trades at 6 million to the U.S. dollar, so Democrat dollars will buy a lot of anything that might still be available in Caracas.”

“Our DNC site search committee had the following priorities,” Perez said. “First, we looked for diversity without English-language hegemony, fairness and equality of outcome, sensible gun legislation, enlightened government leadership, and of course, low, low prices. Many Democrat-run U.S. cities scored 3-out-of-5 or better on our Progressive site-selection index, but Venezuela checked every box.”

Venezuelan society has become “admirably equitable” under President Maduro, he added, noting that food, water, health care and essential services have become “almost-equally inaccessible to all.”

During the convention, DNC delegates will take side trips to attractions like the Caracas Zoo where they can enjoy “a taste of the African savannah.” They’ll also dine on any familiar delicacies that make it through the luggage search at Venezuelan Customs.

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