Archive for June 26th, 2014

Former IRS Boss Used Snapchat for Official Business

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Lerner Snapchat

Former IRS director Lois Lerner’s use of Snapchat for work-related messages was discovered when this screen capture was lifted from the iPhone of a Democrat lawmaker during a Congressional hearing about IRS targeting of Tea Party groups.

(2014-06-26) — Former IRS director Lois Lerner’s communications with the Obama White House, and others related the the Tea Party targeting scandal, can never be retrieved, unnamed sources now admit, because she used the ephemeral social messaging app, Snapchat, for all of her work messages.

The Snapchat app on Lerner’s iPhone allowed her to send photo and text messages that vanish from the receiver’s device within 10 seconds or less, thereby leaving no information trail for Congressional investigators to follow.

The IRS admits that Ms. Lerner “didn’t follow the law” regarding official communications, but that “she didn’t break it either, since there’s no specific mention of Snapchat in the statutes or regs.”

Lerner’s attorney said his client will not make her own camera roll available for Congressional inspection, since it may contain “cat-related screen captures of a personal nature,” unrelated to the allegations in question.

 

 

Panel Concludes Drone Strikes “Freakin’ Awesome”

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(2014-06-26) — A long-awaited report by a nonpartisan Washington think tank on the use and legality of drone strikes by the United States against terrorist targets has concluded that the practice is “freakin’ awesome,” although it’s a “slippery slope” that could lead to “perpetual war” conducted in secret with no presidential accountability.

Predator drone pilots

A report from the nonpartisan Stimson Center on Predator Drone usage concludes that serious legal questions remain unanswered, “but squeezing off Hellfire missiles on terrorist targets 5,000 miles away — well, YOLO.”

“It was like the greatest video game ever,” according to the report from the Stimson Center, whose investigation included site visits to operational outposts to observe pilots maneuvering Predator Drones remotely over targets, from thousands of miles away.

“You’ve got all these high-def screens, and super-sensitive controls,” the report documented. “It’s like you’re really in a war, but you have to keep reminding yourself that you’re not. And you only need to touch the trigger and the earth explodes all around the bad guy. I mean that terrorist is pwned! It’s incredibly realistic.”

President Obama, upon hearing these excerpts of the report, said, “I know. Right?”