Archive for December 21st, 2013

Drunkards, Idolaters Urge A&E to Cancel ‘Duck Dynasty’

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Duck Dynasty

‘Duck Dynasty’ would be cancelled immediately if A&E hears the protests of America’s drunkards, idolaters and adulterers.

(2013-12-21) — More protest erupted Friday over ‘Duck Dynasty’ patriarch Phil Robertson’s remarks to GQ magazine, as drunkards, idolaters and adulterers across the nation called on A&E to cancel the most popular program in cable TV history.

“Phil Robertson’s drunkaphobic, idolaphobic and adulteraphobic attitudes have no place on the public airwaves,” according to an unnamed spokesman for a coalition of oppressed groups. “Robertson’s distortions of the Bible would have people believe that God condemns lifestyles that our members find satisfying.”

The source said most Americans have come to understand and accept that drunkenness, idolatry and marital infidelity are not mere behavioral choices, but fundamental aspects of personality that make each human unique and special.

“Why would a loving God want to deprive his people of the pleasure of just being who they are,” he said. “A&E should cancel ‘Duck Dynasty’ until Phil Robertson recants, and rejects his chosen lifestyle as a religious bigot.”