The City of Boston today agreed to surrender to “al Qaeda, or whoever did this” just two days after two bombs exploded near the finish line of the Boston Marathon, killing three and wounding 170.
Standing in the middle of the utterly-deserted downtown, the mayor told a few remaining journalists that he would sign terms of surrender, abdicate his office and “effectively hand the keys to the city over to the agent, or group, that has brought Boston to a standstill, and has kept us all cowering in our homes wondering what to do next.”
This would be the first time in recent memory that a U.S. city has capitulated to terrorists, and surrendered its sovereignty. But sources close to the mayor noted that Boston, the Commonwealth of Massachusetts and the American people “lack both the resources and the resolve to stand up to occasional, seemingly-random attacks.”
The official signing ceremony and transfer of power awaits the revelation of the identity of the victorious conqueror.
Meanwhile, in Pakistan, the Palestinian territory, and throughout the Muslim world, mobs of cheering people chanted, “Boston has fallen, Braintree is next.”