The island nation of Cyprus will be sold to the highest bidder next week at a sheriff’s sale, according to a spokesman from the European Union Sheriff’s Office.
The insolvent Republic of Cyprus simply could not raise the billions of Euros needed to satisfy its obligations, so the entire island in the eastern Mediterranean Sea will go on the block and be snapped up by the highest bidder.
“It’s really a lovely country,” said an unnamed deputy sheriff, “and it’s a shame they couldn’t hold onto it. But somebody’s going to pick up a sweet bargain.”
The day before the auction, Cyprus will hold a yard sale to unload furniture, appliances, vehicles and household knick-knacks to “clear the place out for the new owner.”